Thank You Jesus, For A Perfectly Timed Dishwasher Malfunction!

I know, you are wondering why in the world would I be happy that our dishwasher decided to act up earlier this evening.

I’m not happy, I’m ECSTATIC!

Make yourself comfortable and I will tell you why.

As some of you may know, I have been wanting a truck for a while now.

This has been the subject of much discussion around here lately.

The Wifely Unit, being the most awesome wife on the planet, finally caved in and told me I could get one here a little while back, with conditions.

It couldn’t be some old beat up piece of shit that parts are hard to find for.

Straight to the heart that lady.

It couldn’t be a jacked up 4X4 that tires cost a small fortune to replace.

She basically informed me that it would be acceptable if I found a little pickup maybe with a canopy, that got good gas mileage and wasn’t forty years old.

So I took the bit in my teeth and ran hard.

I have been scouring Craigslist every night for weeks.

The more I looked, the more I found but what I was finding in my general price range was pretty discouraging.

Branded titles, a quarter of a million mile rigs, questionable engines, bad transmissions, beat to shit “Work Trucks” and my favorite of all, “Mechanics Specials”.

You get the drift.

Beaters that people were wanting serious money for.

So I started sending her links to potential disasters and kept getting rejected left and right.

I sent her one the other day that wasn’t too bad, a 2000 Something Ford Ranger that ran good, wasn’t beat to shit, had a canopy and a clean title.

She replied to my text quite succinctly with “Keep Looking” because it was way the hell outside Portland about twenty miles.

The more of these I looked at, the more I realized that while a little 4 banger 5 speed fuel sipper would be OK, they ain’t a “Truck”.

Know what I mean?

You can’t haul shit in them because they are a 1/4 ton pickup truck.

I finally realized, I wanted a damn truck.

So after she rejected that last one, I told her this.

I said look, I am SIXTY years old now. This could very well be THE LAST rig I buy if I can find something decent.

I think the light came on then.

In the mean time, after six or seven denials, I told her that these were the only things I was going to find in this price range so she broke down and told me I could spend maybe a little more money.

So today after I got home, I fiddle farted around a little bit, set my narrow little ass down in the recliner, caught a quick bit of news and then hit Craigslist for another certain dose of disappointment and heartbreak.

It started out the same as it always has so I changed up and started looking at Chevy trucks under $5.000.

Page after page and then I found it.

THE ONE.

I could hardly believe my eyes.

Lots of pictures, less than a half hour away and an actually decent price.

So I tell her and show her.

Then I call and talk to the guy. He tells me about all the work that’s been to it, he’s retired, was going to keep it because he had just bought it a few months ago but found his dream car, bought it and then HIS WIFE, told him the truck had to go.

Two serious problems here.

One, I need The Wifely Unit to go with me in case I get it so I can bring it back and

TWO, it’s juuuust about dinner time.

I made arrangements to go see it after work tomorrow and hung up.

Then it started eating at me. With my luck the damn thing won’t be there tomorrow because I see this ad has been up for 6 days already.

In the mean time, The Wifely Unit has been in the kitchen doing her thing.

This is where Jesus cut me a huge break.

Pretty soon she comes out mad as a wet hen because she can’t make dinner because when she ran the dishwasher, for some reason the soap didn’t get dissolved and it was all over the inside of the thing.

Can you hear the gears turning at this point?

Now I have the time and a way to get over to look at this truck today instead of tomorrow.

So I call the guy back, make arrangements, go get the money just in case and off we go.

Oh yeah, it’s THE ONE alright.

After a quick Look See and a test drive I tell her I am getting it. Instead of waiting, she decides to come home because traffic is heavy and it is going to be dark in twenty minutes.

I went in, made the deal and chatted with the guy for a while, a really, really nice guy.

So ya ready?

Daddy scored Big today.

Are you ready for this?

This is the actual mileage on the 1989 Chevy Scottsdale truck I just picked up.

Even better?

The original owners kid ran it out of oil and seized the engine.

They put a used engine in it that only had 60,000 miles on it. Shortly after that, the transmission shit the bed and the guy parked in his garage for 3 years,. HIS WIFE, told him to fix it or get rid of it.

It was about ten miles North of me originally.

They guy I bought it from, bought it from him, had the automatic transmission , with Overdrive, completely rebuilt to the tune of over $1200, that I have the receipt for and is still under warranty, fixed a whole bunch of other shit and then sold it to me.

The thing has a Throttle Body Injected SB 350 that runs like a top, has good tires and brakes, roll up windows, VINYL FLOOR MATTING and the A/C even works.

The inside of the bed has been sprayed with Rhino Liner too.

In other words, it’s a real truck.

This thing also has something that I have never even heard of on a pick up truck, a rear window defroster.

You know, the little lines in the glass?

Even that works!

When it came time to pay up I told the guy flat out that I wasn’t even going to try and dicker on the sale price.

I was also right on trusting my gut to go over there tonight instead of waiting. Another guy had called a couple days ago but said he couldn’t get over there to see it until this weekend. Five minutes after I called the seller to see about going over there tonight instead of tomorrow, that guy had called up wanting to come over right away. The seller told him that he had someone on the way already, (me) and that he would have to wait. Pissed that guy off I guess.

I think it was a pretty good deal for $2995.

The only things wrong with this truck that I have seen, that the guy told me about up front, are the headliner falling down and the Dome Light doesn’t work.

That’s it.

It has a trailer brake controller under the dash and a Fifth Wheel/Camper light hook up on the inside of the bed on the drivers side.

It even has a trailer hitch ball on the freshly painted rear bumper.

Happy?

Holy crap am I happy!

No busted windshield, all of the dash gauges work, their isn’t wind blowing through door seals and it starts up just by turning the key.

There isn’t a dent in it anywhere either.

The Silver paint is faded but that is to be expected for a truck that is 31 years old.

So you may have noticed a repeating theme throughout this tale of guys who’s wives keep telling them to get rid of their rigs right?

Oh yeah, first thing out of her mouth. The Caballero has to go.

Sure honey, right after I clean it up.

Maybe next Summer.

They Still Play Stick Ball?

I’m guessing somebody must be because I keep deleting these Emails from the LA Times that have something to do with the Dodgers and whatever they call that Woke bunch of pussies down in Tampa Bay.

Fuck alla you guys and especially the weak ass bitches running that show.

If I can avoid it, I will never watch another Baseball game as long as I live.

Now Ya Know

Why I nicknamed myself Bustednuckles.

I hate those.

When you smack a knuckle with a glove on, it hurts like a bastard, you see blood seeping through the glove and you don’t even want to look.

Yeah, barked the knuckle

Again.