I Have Achieved Enlightenment

You sometimes hear people say that they just can’t understand why there are those among us who seem to just snap one day and go on a murderous rampage. We certainly see this happening on an almost daily basis anymore.

Well, I just got a glimpse into that mindset.

That moment when your vision narrows to a small focus and everything else goes black.

When the uncontrollable urge to choke the living shit out of someone becomes overpowering and excludes all else.

This, was all it took.

You may ask yourself why this would cause me to fly into an apopleptic rage and that would be a fair question.

The answer to that is because all of those God Damn screws were sunk into the side of the old Gate post, to hold up this,

Actually, one just like that. I had to destroy the other one to get it off.

I am fairly certain a jury of my peers would let me off with time served.

8 thoughts on “I Have Achieved Enlightenment

  1. Maybe we will share a jail cell.

    NONE of the NINE panels of my “custom” (previous homeowner?) built courtyard fence are the same size.

    NONE of them is a “standard” size. NOT 96″, but 97″ or 99″. 48″? Not when 45″ will do. 6-foot? Nah, let’s make them 5′ 7″ or 73.5″ so we WASTE the MAXIMUM amount of NOT pressure treated lumber to save a couple of bucks. It’ll probably not rot out until we stick some poor sucker (me) with the house.

    Pickets? You’d think 36″, 42″, and 48″. Right? Take a guess. And why use all full-size pickets when you can rip-cut a few to stick on the endS of the panel? Yes, TWO rip-cut on the same panel.

    And the mortar pretending to hold the brick columns together is being rinsed away with each rain shower.

    And don’t get me started on the stair rails we just had to have rebuilt with $50 ea. 6″ x 6″ treated lumber. The original rails were fastened to the BRICKwork with ONE SHORT screw and the other end fastened to the upright pole with frickin’ BRADS. No wonder one of the rails just fell off one night.

    Is it a comfort that you are not the only person dealing with morons? Nah, doesn’t make me feel better either.


  2. One of our houses had a wooden gate out of the back yard. Big enough to bring a car through. Someone nailed plywood on to it using at Least 10,000 nails…


  3. At camp, one the “engineers” moved the stair case to get up to the sleeping loft. At the top of the stair case, he installed a 2×4 to anchor a low wall preventing people from walking off the edge of the floor and falling a few feet onto the staircase. All good so far, right? The dumb shit put 1.5″ long wood screws toed into the top of the 2×4 to anchor it to the ceiling joist. Every time some one grabbed the upright 2×4 on the way down the stair case, the screws pulled out of the ceiling joist. So what does the “engineer” do? Why he installs an additional 1.5″ wood screw, instead of going to the hardware store and buying 3″ deck screws or something else of a more suitable length. After a couple years there were half a dozen 1.5″ wood screws trying AND FAILING to secure the 2×4 to the ceiling joist. When I chastised him about it, he got indignant and hasn’t back to camp since. Not, that most of us miss him anyway.


  4. Pingback: Sunday Linkage « Bacon Time !!!!!!

  5. The neighbor had his fence rebuilt by monkeys after the old one collapsed in a storm.

    Just like Bluecat above said, they didn’t understand even spacing. You know, how far apart should the posts be if I have 8’ crossmembers. But I know why this is. Unlike Brother Phil here they weren’t about to break their backs digging out the two fences worth of concrete. They just moved the posts or put them in the existing holes. Yeah. That worked.

    So they had to compensate when things didn’t fit. Instead of buying 10’ 2x4s they just mounted another 8 footer vertical next to the post and tacked the crossmember in with a finish nail gun. I found this out when it split free. So I fixed it for him best I could. While I should’ve simply texted him a pic and have him fix it, I got sick of my dogs staring at him and his dog through the gap and barking.

    The door the made to the yard was a crime against all that’s is right and good in the world. It looked and worked like it was built by apes. Apes on the take.

    He ended up spending every nickel to have a crew come in and rebuild half of it. Sadly not the part that is in between our yards. It’s only been two years and it’s looking like a good wind storm will put it out of its misery.

    Worse yet, they used unfinished pine. In Texas. The thing is getting absolutely battered by the sun and heat.


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