I Despise Hokey “Tools” Like This

The jerks that come up with this kind of crap seem to really think they are clever,

Notice how far they had to space out those bolts. Yeah, I run into that every day.

Not.

I Double Dog Dare you to show me where you are going to use that POS on this.

Maybe the battery clamp, if it doesn’t jam up against the top of the battery.

Other than that, bupkiss.

Don’t waste your money on gimmicky crap like that.

16 thoughts on “I Despise Hokey “Tools” Like This

  1. Those type of tools are designed to increase the clutter in the junk drawer of the kitchen. That, and insuring an actual dismantling will require hours of work with a cold chisel and cursing.

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  2. My in-laws used to get me stuff like that for Christmas. They knew I worked on cars and stuff and had a massive tool box, so figured they’d get me so new tool each year rather than another gift certificate to Sears. Yup, hokie as hell and practically worthless, but each Christmas I’d put on a fake smile and thank them. Tried to used the tools once or twice, most of them sucked, a few broke almost immediately. The only worthwhile thing was a laser level that I sometimes use to make sure pictures are hung straight. The in-laws are dead now, and the wife tells me to buy my own presents, so now I usually get what I want.

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  3. Broke a “Gator grip” socket after a short time frame. Didnt work in “chemically diverse” environments and higher levels of humidity. I would have had to dunk the entire thing in machinery oil (?) everyday just to keep it around. I worked in a medical/foodsafe environment.

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  4. I got what can best be described as a self adjusting channel lock pliers made by craftsman. It’s mostly useless. It sits in a toolbox I use for sprinkler repairs. Grabbing and turning sprinkler heads and threaded pvc fittings seems to be it’s forte.

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  5. Well, ya all are wrong. I find stuff like that to be very useful. Use them all the time.

    Like when I remove half the skin off the back of my hand while slicing my fingertips to shreds working on some piece of garbage designed by midget engineers with extremely girly hands, I reach for one of those tools to throw as fucking far away while screaming incoherently at the top of my lungs because the pain is just too fucking much. You know the pain I’m talking about, the one so bad that when the ladies go on and on and on about how horrible ‘the pains of childbirth and pms’ are you just nod your head because you know what real pain is trying to find the 6th fucking cylinder on a dog-damned engine where you fucking find out you have to drop the engine and the tranny (mechanical, not a person) in order to just touch the spark plug. Or deal with any Hecho-en-Mehico wiring loom in a fucking Canuck-built GM van, Or try to fix any dishwasher or washing machine or dryer made in the last 30 years that doesn’t say “SPEED QUEEN” on it.

    That’s real pain.

    Those tools you all show much disdain for have saved me from hours and days of having to search for real tools when I throw something in a pain-filled rage that hurts worse than getting a softball to Mr. Happy and the Bald Headed Twins.

    The only pain that comes close to ‘Tool Time Pain’ is ‘Standing on a Yellow Jacket nest while Mowing’ pain (ever wonder how fast your fat ass can strip down? Get covered under your clothes by Yellow Jackets. You’ll find out. Child Birth, meh, maybe a 5 on real pain scale…)

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  6. Many years ago, Stanley made a 4-in-1 nutdriver called an “Octopus”.
    I knew two shift electricians at the Camas Mill who carried them.

    One of the guys died, and I got his at the estate sale.
    Have never seen another.

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  7. All you need to know about the pain of childbirth is they have more than one.

    I have had pain I never want to go back and repeat.

    I have some of those tools. But as Knuckles pointed out they invariably suck. Sometime largely and some times just a little but they all fail when needed most.

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  8. Every once in while someone comes with a genuine useful new tool. Like the socket with a universal to make it as compact as possible. Or the crowfoot open end. (yeah, they are old now, but they were new inventions once..!)
    But it is the exception- 99.9% are gimmicks, an attempt to get the DIY crowd to spend all those luscious American dollars. And every hobby is filled with useless new shit- skiing, woodworking, shooting, everything- problem is, a new guy might not know- the old timers look at those fancy crap catalogs and laugh.
    Something much underrated is quantity- having five or ten extra common size combo wrenches around is gold. And a few cheapo’s, so when you have to cut one off, or weld on an odd handle, you don’t have to cry about it.

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