A Guy’s Gotta Do What A Guy’s Gotta Do

It don’t matter if the Wife likes it or not after a certain point and I reached that point yesterday.

We have been slowly circling each other looking for a weakness for over a year now where this lawn mowing bullshit is concerned.

I kept telling her that pushing that lawnmower is killing me, I’m getting old dammit.

Every time I brought up getting either a small riding mower or a self propelled unit the excuses why we didn’t need one would flow like water.

I noticed last year that I just don’t have the stamina anymore. I would make a couple of laps with the fucker and have to stop and take a break.

Yesterday I had to stop 5 times and it ain’t that big of a yard. Who’da thunk maybe there is a certain amount of COPD going on after smoking for 50 fucking years eh?

Well that was enough for me.

I hit Craigslist and started looking.

There were plenty to choose from depending on how much you wanted to spend.

I figure a self propelled would be enough for now, nothing too fancy, just something I didn’t have to fucking push anymore. The Kid has a life and he ain’t never home anymore so it’s up to me and me says we is getting something.

I found a Troy-Bilt self propelled, 3 option with a bagger for $120.

New they are anywhere from $265 to $450 depending on how much you like to get yer ass gaped.

$120 I can do, $450 ain’t happening.

I went and looked at it, the thing started on the first pull as advertised, had a replacement rear wheel thrown in because one was flopping around and did see the thing pull its self across a level lawn.

Take note of that last sentence.

I paid for it, the guy helped me load it up, I brought it home and had to unload the fucker by myself and decided to give a bath, throw that wheel on the back and give it a little tryout on the lawn here.

Yeah, about that self propelled part.

Not so much on anything other than flat, level ground.

I took the cover off and see the belt could stand replacing. No big surprise to me but it was all the ammo The Wifely Unit needed to toss a salvo into my wheelhouse.

“You shouldn’t have bought that thing without trying it first”, “It’s a piece of shit if you have to fix it before you can use it,” yadda yadda, fucking yadda.

The same as it ever was.

What the fuck ever.

It’s a used piece of equipment dear and belts are a normal wear/maintenance item that have to be replaced occasionally.

Apparently some things are beyond their comprehension.

10 minutes on the internets, one phone call, one five minute drive and $11 later, I have a new belt.

She is going to her sisters to watch movies, I am going to change that drive belt and then I am going to change the oil just because and it will be a done deal.

It’s like I told her several times.

If I’m the motherfucker that has to mow that fucking lawn then I am going to get whatever the fuck I want to help me get it done without killing myself.

When you get off the couch and start mowing the lawn then you might have a say in the matter.

Until that happens, this is where the bear shits in the woods honey.

32 thoughts on “A Guy’s Gotta Do What A Guy’s Gotta Do

  1. Women… ya can’t like them, ya can’t get them to understand how shit works in the world. I would tell every man to stop doing shit for women, just stay home and drink beer and watch the whole shebam grind to a halt within a week and women will beg to have the 19th amendment stricken from the BOR and will stay home and make babies and sammiches for the rest of our natural lives.


  2. The first house I owned was a 2 acre lot with about 1 acre to mow (circa 1985). I picked up a 20 year old John Deere 10 HP rider and used it for 6 years repairing some semi major component every year. I sold it with the house. A house warming present of a Snapper self propel w/ bagger for trim work and around the pool.

    I have just over a half acre to mow now. When we first moved here 25 years ago I still had the Snapper self propel 4hp. It took 3 hours to mow the lawn. I bought a cheap used Craftsman 18 HP 42″ rider that was 2 years old with 30 hours on the clock for half of what it was new. 5 years later the transmission became a blender. It was not financially feasible to repair it.

    It was at the end of the summer and I purchased the floor “Demo” John Deere L111 42″ rider from the JD dealer 20 miles away. I serviced it with new oil, oil filter, fuel filter, Air filter, and spark plugs two weeks ago at 400 some odd hours on it. It takes me a half hour to mow the yard including cleaning the deck. I put it on a Battery Tender after every mow and the batteries usually last 4 to 5 years. The crap I had to live under for about 6 months was well worth the past 15 years of me telling her that any future mower will be a JD.


    • We’ve got about an acre to mow. I bought a JD D140 (48 in, 22hp) and it lasted 14 years with only maintenance ad the original deck belt. Started throwing the belt soon as I hit the button, so I figured wth, got a new JD E-140. I’m going to pull the deck off the old one and use it as a odd job machine.


  3. I’d throw a rope over a limb in the magnolia tree and make a noose. She’d come home from movie night and have 3 options.

    1) you do it
    2) I do it
    3) stop flapping your gums

    Liked by 1 person

    • I kinda look at this kind of situation as the dark cloud with a silver lining.
      If I do something that I know she is going to complain about then I have just saved myself the certain horror of her getting bored and finding something to complain about on her own.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, try this one to prevent boredom. Take the blade off the old mower. Tell her tomorrow night the two of you are having movie night. Sit in your chair with the blade in your lap and pop in Billy Bob in Slingblade. Sit there with a great big grin.

        Shazam, no more boredom ‼️


    • Get a fucking goat. Wife’ll think it’s “cute”.
      If and when it stops eating the grass, you can eat that cocksucker


      • I have 15 goats on my farm. They do a great job cleaning weeds and brush but have developed a craving for my blackberry and raspberry bushes. I have to defend those a wiffle ball bat.

        As far as the woman, buy/rent a backhoe. Dig a hole 6 feet long, 3 feet wide and six feet deep. Pound in a “Complaint Dept” sign next to it. With solar lighting so she can see it 24/7. #passiveagressive


  4. Get a quote from a couple of lawn agencies. Hand it to her, ask her what she wants to get rid of in order to fund them.

    Yah, nice fantasy. Yep.

    Hope replacing the drive belt and tuning it up works for you.


  5. I don’t usually comment. I just read the article and the comments. But today you fucking assholes have really pissed me off! Don’t try to shoehorn all of us ladies into the same corner. I defer to my USMC vet alpha male husband as I should per the Bible. I do 95% of the cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry and shopping for the house. I also do 95% of the vegetable gardening and fruit tree and berry bush maintenance. I also bring in income as a registered nurse. He does vehicle maintenance, home repair, garbage and lawn mowing. I was the one who insisted he get a zero turn mower to replace the John Deere in order to reduce his mowing time on our four acres. I take care of him and he takes care of me. We both keep our bodies lean and fit and satisfy each other in the sack after 40 years of marriage. His favorite gifts from me were his Browning Citori over and under and his Benelli 12 gauge with a separate deer slug barrel. And a scope. I also help him process his geese, deer, duck, etc game for the freezer. We also fish together for stripped bass. Obviously you fuckers looking for permission to buy a mower married the wrong woman. Sorry for the rant but you fuckers pissed me off.

    Sandy. RN.

    Liked by 2 people

    • LOL, good on ya Sandy and don’t be so shy.
      It isn’t that I am asking permission, it’s more like not spending a bunch of money without consulting the one who is in charge of the finances.
      I was getting a mower one way or the other but I wanted to use the shared monies instead of having to use what I have squirreled away.


  6. Thank you Phil! Sorry if I was harsh. Husband and I always consult on major purchases. I advice him but defer to him as head of household. Had two many drinks tonight as in two. Can’t hold my liquor. My ire was not directed at you but at some of your commenters

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ve got a few hundred acres. Mainly potatoes and oats. But we also have 4 acres of lawn, with fruit trees aplenty. Can’t use the tractor, even the smallest, just not enough room. Not to mention compaction around the tree roots. Until a few years ago I’d mow it with a 24 inch self propelled mower and as I’ve aged I found it harder and harder. Came back to the house one day to find a zero turn JD ride on. Present from my wife. Was I glad I married her and not her sister lol.


  8. I feel ya Phil, yard maintenance is a damn chore, my old wheel horse is still holding up well, paid 50 bucks for it at a scrapyard 10 years ago, some punk kids were going to scrap it because they had ran it out of oil and seized the engine. Brought it home, dumped some oil in it and the plug holes, put a breaker bar on the crank and lo and behold that 18hp Onan broke free, then started right up. 10yrs later the old beast still runs a1. Wifey does a quarter of the yard with the push mower, while I with 50″ deck on the Wheel Horse make short work of the rest. My oldest boy is about ready to take over mowing responsibility this year as he’s 10, his 5yo twin brothers are gung ho to try but they are still delegated to stick and dandylion patrol lol. Damn grass grows like crazy here, gotta mow twice a week.


  9. I’m increasingly wondering why I care about the lawn in the first place.
    We had to take over the in-laws yard chores as they aged out, and bought a used Craftsman 42″ inch cut elderly lawn tractor to make the grass cutting go faster.
    As best as we can tell, it was made prior to ’95.
    I drive the big mower, and my wife does the self propelled mowing, string trimming, and cleanup.

    The hiking GPS says she is walking a couple of mile to do all of this, and we will be seeing 70 in two years.

    She has never carped about buying needed tools.
    I have no intention of telling her how abnormal that is!


  10. I love that “put up or shut up” moment! Especially, when it’s something she knows she ain’t gonna do.
    That moment when “well honey, if you don’t like how I’m doing it why don’t you do it?” Gets combined with my killer ‘kiss my ass’ smile.


  11. And get a ride on mower. You’ll be much happier. She might even mow if you get something with a comfy seat.
    I got a used Cub cadet with the purchase of our house. Which the wife unit promptly commandeered to perform the mowing with.


  12. I bought a Troy built when my last mower went senile. It was ‘returned’ so I spent a little under 300. I asked the dude why it was returned and he said he didn’t know. They get them back, refurb them and put them on the floor.

    That was like 10 years ago. Best mower I’ve ever owned.


  13. If you don’t have a known medical condition that is causing the shortness of breath you are describing I suggest you see your doctor asap.. you are describing heart failure or impending heart attack. (I’m a doctor-34 years experience)


  14. Troy Bilt has not been the same since they got bought out by MTD. I’m running a 2020 JD E-140 with 48″ deck on a full acre of grass. Ran an L-120 for 17 years until the valve guides let go on the second engine. Called Lowes and had them drop off the new one. This will be my last mower. After this it’s either a condo or a mowing service. One thing I’ve learned is that mowers aren’t really designed to mow grass 9 or 10 months of the year like we do here and you don’t run air cooled engines (or old men) when it’s over 100 degrees outside. Now I know why my mower has headlights! BTW take care of yourself first. A lawn ain’t worth killing yourself over. If something happens to you where will I post my rants?


  15. You are absolutely right about the mower. If she doesn’t like it, tell her to mow the lawn any way she wants. This is my real opinion. However, I have two ex-wives who saw things differently than I did. I now have a live-in girlfriend who CANNOT divorce me. She can only move out.


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