Jesus Takes Care Of Me Even When I’m An Asshole

Which to be perfectly honest, would pretty much be my entire life but especially today.

He even went out of the way to make sure I realized it.

I have since apologized and thanked Him for that because I most certainly was being an asshole.

If you read the previous post, you will know that the first thing I did earlier today after only one cup of coffee, was to go out and coat the back deck with a copious amount of a mineral oil based concoction to seal it up.

That took a while and pissed the Wifely Unit off but good.

Yeah well.

So later on I went back out there and raked up six freakin’ full yard debris bags full of leaves but mostly pine needles off of the Arbor Vitea trees that line part of the back fence.

That shit about croaked me.

It’s dense as hell and heavy. First rake it up away from the fence and out from under the bastards, then pick it up by hand and put it in the wheel barrow, then pick it out of the wheel barrow and put it in the bags.

My lower back was screaming at me.

After I got done with that I had to come in the house, take a few Tylenol and put my feet up.

I sat here for quite a while until the back spasms let up and then got to thinking about going out in the garage.

That led to me thinking about needing a little tool box again and that led me to the Lowes website.

The Wifely Unit was still mad but was in the kitchen making dinner type noises.

The local Lowes web site showed having two of these in stock and they are about ten minutes away.


Yeah, OK. If I hurry up and do this Dinner should be done by the time I get back.

Oh sure.

What the hell was I even thinking?

I get down there and of course they don’t have any out on the floor so I had to go hunt some guy down.

He him’s and haw’s and and says he doesn’t see one.


Hey dude, I checked your website before I bothered coming down here and it said that you have two in stock.

I was trying to look it up on my phone to show him.

I did find a picture from a different store with the model number.

He gets out his inventory type phone looking thing and looks it up. Yep he says, it says here we show two in stock.

I’m thinking I really found a live one this time.

I could have sworn I just said that.

Then he says that sometimes their inventory is off. Then I’m thinking to myself that I can certainly understand how it would be hard to keep track of NOT JUST ONE BUT TWO Roll Away tool boxes, THE SIZE OF SMALL REFRIGERATORS.

Good lord.

So then he says he will have to go in the back and look and that it might take ten minutes at least.

Then he says to me that if he finds one he will come back and let me know!

I stopped him in his tracks and told him that if he finds one, BRING IT BACK WITH YOU.

Like I want to wait for you to make two trips?

AYE CARUMBA this guy is something else!

Off he goes and I wait.

And I wait and I wait.

Fifteen minutes later he comes around the corner pushing a cart with a Craftsman box on it. COOL!

I gave him a thumbs up, thanked him and took the cart from him to head to Check Out which was only about 15 feet away.

Off he goes to wherever he does his thing and I only have to wait for one guy in front of me.

I already know I am late for dinner at this point and I already know The Wifely Unit is going to be even more unhappy about that.

I push the cart up to Check Out, the chick reaches out with the scanner and she looks at me and says that will be $199.



No, it’s on sale for $129 honey.

Total confusion at this point on both of our parts.

I tell her here is the part number, the guy had a picture of it AND that part number and your website said you had two but he had to go in the back to find it.

Here comes another chick while I am explaining all this and the first thing she says is that the box the guy brought me is a 5 drawer box and I wanted the 4 drawer box.

Here we fucking go.

Of course now there are four people waiting on me to get my ass out of the way.

The second chick takes off to go talk to yet some other guy in the tool section, the first chick is asking me if I want to buy this one or wait for the obvious conclusion to this clusterfuck when they tell me that they do not have the one I came in for after all.


Boy howdy am I hot by this point.

I looked at her, the now SIX people waiting in line behind me, had the reaction I was going to get from the wife when I got home anyway flash before my eyes and said FUCK IT.

Ring the fucking thing up, I don’t have the time nor the patience to play with you people anymore.

With tax and out the door, $199.

Then I had to load the fucking thing in the back of my truck.

Here I thought my back was hurting earlier.


Got home, unloaded the damn thing and shoved it in the garage.

Of course everyone else is done with dinner by then so I threw a couple big slices of Ham on a plate, slid the rest of the now cold mashed potatoes on it and sat down and ate.

About half way through eating, The Wifely Unit asks why I went to Lowes so I told her, to get that little tool box I told you about three days ago.

She goes outside to have a smoke, I finish eating, she comes back in the house madder than ever throwing a fit that I spent two hundred bucks on this thing. So then I told her what I just typed in here.

I figured I might as well go all in at this point.

She sits down to watch television and plot her revenge I assume.

I go out in the garage to unbox this fucking thing and put the wheels on it.

I get it out of the cardboard and see that this is an exact replacement for the one I am throwing out.

Two drawers and a cabinet at the bottom. The lid for the front cover is in the hole loose so I reach in and snag it before I start finding the wheels.

That’s when I saw it.

I hadn’t been paying the slightest bit of attention after the fiasco at the check out counter nor when I loaded and unloaded it out of the truck, I was too busy being mad myself.

Lo and behold, there is a little Top Box bolted inside the bottom cabinet!

Bigger than shit, I just bought a set instead of just a bottom box.

So I throw it all together and have a look see.

Cute little thing ain’t it?

Oh there’s more.

So I get it back inside and I’m looking at this thing. That Top Box is pretty little all right but what kinda bummed me was that it doesn’t have any small drawers up at the top like the one I got back from my brother.

It’s sitting on the ground a couple feet away.

I look at the new box and then look at the old Top Box.

A couple times.

Then I says, no way, it couldn’t be.

Dug around, found a tape measure and measured the old Top Box and the top of the new bottom box.

Bigger than shit I think it will fit and it does!


That was what I was after from the very get go!

So now, I have a bonus little Top Box I gotta find a spot for.

You can see what the difference is here.

There are 3 small drawers at the top of the old box. Perfect for punches and chisels and crap like that I need all the time.

So even though I was being a dick and an asshole throughout the whole ordeal, Jesus knew what I needed even if I didn’t realize it the whole time even after I opened up the box and even then, until I realized the old Top Box would fit right on the new cabinet.

Have a new Top Box while yer at it kid, maybe lighten up on the asshole thing too.

I am going to get some drawer liner material before I fill them both up to the point of bursting.

Now I have to work on The Wife.

That is going to prove to be a tough sell but I’ll give it my best shot. She has been putting up with my ass for ten years at this point, as a matter of fact our 10th anniversary is coming up in August.

I’m sure it will be a couple days before she settles back down.

At least.

Lucky thing I have to work tomorrow.

14 thoughts on “Jesus Takes Care Of Me Even When I’m An Asshole

  1. As much as you never do shit halfway, this post and the previous post have to be close to the top of the totem pole for “what the fuck” so far this year. Men plan and God laughs.

    And good score on the box, now we just need to find you a new garage with double the floor space.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. Phil, if your missus ever starts a TWU blog, you’re toast. She’d lay out the truth of the story, well, her version anyway. Which is likely no different to the bagging you’re copping on her rellie/girlfriend chinwags anyway. I don’t know much about women, but I do know women always know best, just ask them.


  3. Phil, after 26 of marriage to the same woman, I’d say now would be the time to sell some excess junk at a yard sale or on Craigslist, and buy her something nice.
    A freeze on spending for things in the garage, until say Easter, might help too.
    I’m 57, just a little bit behind you. Life, just gets harder, these days. I can empathize with you. But, remember the motto. “It’s Cheaper to Keep Her”.


  4. “…as a matter of fact our 10th anniversary is coming up in August.” So you have something inside of six months to plan something awesome. If you don’t have a planner calendar, you need one with countdown dates circled. Best get crackin’.


  5. Whelp, I guess it all turned out in the end? I must be living a charmed life, as I have rarely had issues with staff at the many hardware stores I’ve haunted over the years. Heck, the local Harbor Freight seems to hire FIRST on “customer server mindset”! I’ve had situations where both me and the clerk would be a bit confused over some coupon or part number and they’d stop and either

    1. go find someone with a clue, or
    2. say “screw it” and give me the %off with an override of some sort.

    I’ve also had to do a few exchanges there. Never had even an instant of flack, they just swap the stuff out if it’s obviously a manufacturing flaw.

    As far the TWU, I’d HIGHLY suggest you use the toys/tools/stuff you’re getting to MAKE her something for that anniversary. I’ve found that putting TIME into a gift makes my wifely unit much more happy than just throwing money around. Your mileage may vary, but find something she likes and make her one. You have 6 months to learn how to make it and I can just about guarantee she’ll love that you spent all that (precious) free time making HER something special and unique. Even if it isn’t perfect! The fact you’ll be playing on your lathe and learning is just a positive side effect.


  6. Candle sticks.
    A matching pair.
    Or, shelves, with turned posts to space them.

    Pete is right. Time invested in making a gift for the spouse is almost always a good investment.


  7. Instead of buying tool box drawer liner go to walmart and get generic drawer liner. Much cheaper….Here is an example for just under 13 bucks. Look how big this roll is 20″ x 24 feet! Black too….

    As to the wife, I don’t think it is the money she is upset about. Might be time for you to spend a little quality time with her. I would guess that her thorny attitude is more about not being the center or near center of your attention for a while. Doesn’t have to be a grandiose thing. Just something nice if only for a couple of hours. Just a thought…..


  8. 1. Emotional protection
    2. Appreciation
    3. And when not if we fuck-up on 1 &/or 2…DAMAGE CONTROL!

    Phil, somewhere in 1 or 2 you have a huge problem. I’ll wager it has not a thing to do with the deck.

    So…got yourself a toolbox huh. Are you fucking kidding me.

    Imagine for a moment that she has been to the doctor and just found out she has a cancer. I won’t whip you; i’ll hand you the whip you ‘should’ do a much better job. Don’t ask how I know.


  9. There’s a book entitled “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. He’s a Christian-based counselor and author. The premise of the book is that people experience being loved in primarily one of five ways: gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, or touch. Often people give what they want and not what the other person needs. With your anniversary coming up I highly recommend you get a copy (a used copy is only a few dollars on Amazon) and figure out what your wife’s primary and secondary love languages are. You should also figure out what yours are too.


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