I figure this would be a good time to see what everyone is up to, what you have been dealing with, what you have been thinking or anything else you want to talk about.
I went over to the In Laws on Friday to see about getting at least one of their vehicles through DEQ so we can get tags put on something and to replace all the guts inside their only toilet that had been giving them problems. I started out with that damn Yukon I have been messing with on and off since last September, I think.
I opened the door, stuck the key in it and turned it on, that fucking Check Engine light was on and that was the end of that. I shut the door and moved on to the little 2002 Ford Focus my Wife had given to them a few years ago.
It’s a little beater with 245,000 miles on it, a busted off drivers side mirror and now the outside drivers door handle too I see.
I had to put another battery in it a few months back because it’s been sitting for two damn years now basically. I did drive it the last time I was over there and left instructions for it to be started and let run for twenty minutes at least once every two weeks.
Amazingly enough it fired right up.
You can’t kill the damn thing.
I duct taped the mirror back on, again, as the old stuff had rotted off. Loaded up the Father In Law and headed out. You could hear the brake pads and shoes scraping the rust off when I hit the brakes the first few times. Drove it straight to a car wash and paid extra to have all the green mold washed off.
Of course that knocked the mirror right the fuck back off too.
There is a NAPA directly behind it.
Bought some Gorilla Tape, figuring it should be good shit, right?
Fuck no. It wouldn’t even stick to the plastic. Too cold. Ran back in and grabbed what I thought was regular duct tape, thought it was kinda spendy then went back out to find I had bought a roll of Aluminum tape.
Fuck it. It worked.
Drove to Gresham from Sandy, stopped and filled it up with good gas and proceeded to the DEQ shop.
Aaaaand here we go. They said because the battery had been disconnected and it hadn’t been driven that I had to take it through a “Drive Cycle”.
I told them I had just driven the fucking thing fifteen miles through two towns and then on the freeway too, just how much fucking driving do you seem to need?
Well, ya gotta Google it and then go do it before we can test it.
So I left, pulled over and Googled that shit. I remember hearing about Drive Cycles back in the day but I quit the Ford Dealer 22 years ago now.
Drive it on the highway, drive it between 15 and 35 miles an hour for at least 15 minutes, with at least three segments that last 90 seconds each and have to stop at least 5 times.
Sounds easy enough, right?
Try it in Gresham traffic some time. I dare ya.
I wound up being gone for 45 minutes and wound up clear out in the country South of town and back with people right on my ass the whole way because they want to do 45 in a 35 and I can’t go OVER 35 or it fucks the drive cycle data.
Just for fun, the Father In Law has the Old Timers and his short term memory is completely gone.
He is the nicest guy but I’m sure you all have been around drunk people at some point who tell the same story over and over again?
He’s like that because he can’t remember anything he just said. So I basically got to hear him say the the same four or five things over and over again fifteen or twenty times.
Then the skies opened up and it flat POURED rain while I was in the middle of all of this.
I finally figured I got their damn Drive Cycle in and went back to DEQ.
More fucking around but miracle of miracles, IT PASSED!
Since the tags had been expired for two years they wouldn’t give them to me, now they gotta either do it on line or mail that shit in because Oregon is gonna Double Fuck ‘Em for the whole time period.
That took a bunch of explaining to his wife after we got back finally.
Then I had to swap out all the crap in the tank of the toiler.
Finally got it all done and got to leave. Then because it’s Friday evening, it’s dark and it’s raining, I got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the way home.
Total time from start to finish when I walked back in the door was six and a half hours.
Their place is exactly 35 miles from ours. About and hour and a half normally for a round trip if traffic ain’t bad.
So four hours dealing with the car and a half an hour fixing the toilet then two hours coming and going.
Gotta love it.
But at least they can get tags put on a vehicle finally and it gives me more time to try and figure out what I am going to do with that fucking Yukon.
Since Sandy is right at the base of Mt. Hood I may start searching Google Maps for a suitable cliff to push that fucker over.
So, what do you guys got?