22 thoughts on “Someone Would Be Walking Funny

  1. Speaking of shit up peoples ass’s, knew a young man who was interning at an emergency room in Manchester NH, hoot owl, one day he shows up at the shop and says dude check this out. Whips out a folder inside theres a series of Xray films of people who came into the emergency room with shit stuck up their butts.
    Half liter pop bottles, an 18 inch tall lamp, no shade, butt, the bulb and cord are there, one had a whole butternut squash lodged up there, a 12 inch adjustable, a doll, carton of salt, Bud long neck. Asked him if he seen any gerbils lately, and he flips thru the films and there’s a section of bathrom vanity pvc drain with half the trap.
    Im like you got to be shitting me, WTF!
    Oh thats nothing, he says, this was only from Friday night.
    And i’m thinking people call me crazy. Made me feel downright Wonder white bread vanilla normal looking at those Exray pics.
    Think I would die from self humiliation and shame having to go to the hospital to have a fucking lamp pulled out my ass.

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      • Crazy, you would not surprised that excuse is use to cover a multitude of excuses and sins in the ER … (how can I be pregnant? I just fell on to his lap.”

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      • About that time the faggots where getting so outright bad they had to shut down the rest areas on Rt128 and Rt 3 down towrads and in Massachussets, small rest areas just for parking up, they would be having anal sex right on the hoods and back decks, like its not memorex its live, and as close as they could park to the traffic going by to obtain max hedonistic value. If you see thise turn offs now closed off thats why. That was about 1990-95 abouts. Manchester probably had a more “active” rectum sports” community, cause up north like Laconia and Conway never heard about that, it was mostly the old uber monied doung what they di best, pedo and incestral inbreeding. had a small farm up in North Sandwich, those old Brahman trust fund brats, they basicly had entire communities involved in swingers ravs, lot of bisex kink, hedonistic to the max. Its no surprize globo=pedo is into the child trafficking #Pizzagate shit.

        Heard all my life hillbillies down here are all sister and brother fuckers. Yankee bigotry to a high degree. The reality is completely diff, been here since 2009, never even heard the word abortion spoken. Christian values and family rule. I’ll tell somebody sbout that crap about up north and they will be like no way, theres people who do that!
        Now to be fair, wife and i got married in WV few years before we moved down, the county clerck we got our marrauge liscence from asked us if we where cousins, actually the only stipulation, nothing closer than 2nd cousin can legally marry. Seemed odd at the time, once we got to know folks around us it actually made sense, theres tons of land, but its so steep theres not all that much land you can live on never mind grow a garden or have a barn or even a garage, so its sparesly populated, and marrying your second cousin is sometimes the only available partner unless yiu go outside the tribal/clan area, and they got the same situation.
        Im not joshing a bit. its another world from the hedonistic subculture up north. Had to move to WV to understand it.
        We left in 2009 for West by God Virginia, we talk about how we could never go back now. It is so strange that prior life, its all but faded out but for things like the anal intrusion xrays because it is so extreme you never forget that kind of shit.

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    • https://www.surgjournal.com/article/S0039-6060(03)00076-X/fulltext

      The above is a cautionary tale on where to NOT store your pet eel.

      @crazyeighter
      I have a buddy who is an ER doc. All kinds of rectal foreign body (RFB, the approved “medicalese” term) stories, and yes, most people claim they “slipped and fell on it right after I got out of the shower”. Anyhoo, one night EMS brought in a man with a curtain rod sticking out of his ass (there was a fancy finial on the end, and that was what was stuck). The man looked up at my buddy and said, “I’m not going to lie to you or tell you stupid stories, but I’m not going to answer questions about this either. All I’m going to say is: This was no accident. And, please help me.” The ER staff all agreed: curtain-rod-in-ass guy deserved respect for his honesty. (You get pretty sick of being lied to, working in an ER.)

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      • Mike_C, now that is one for the books! That didn’t happen to me or in my ER. I agree, if the person is truthful with us we treated it with more respect, meaning we didn’t snicker or make fun of that person behind their backs. It was astounding to us the lies and half truths and intricate fabrications people come up with to explain obvious wounds/foriegn bodies where they do not belong. They don’t seem to understand simple common sense and medical people have seen and heard it most all.

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        • I think it died. Being as the case was in Hong Kong, it’s horrifyingly possible that the retrieved corpse of the eel was then roasted and eaten. But that last part is just guess work on my part.

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      • Thanks, but I dont want to watch it, but if you dont care my asking you, in the link is the eel live?
        Reason for asking is from catching eels on a fly rid brook trout fishing, thos little fuckers are crazy strong and writh around like maniacs, you got to vlub the fuckers to death to get the hook out of them. So what is it, they use live ones to get max thriil like with chssing live gerbils up your ass with a pipe and propane torch?

        Oh shit, that reminds me of something. Was in Tuscon about 89, diwn at the big gem show in febuary they have each year, having breakfast with a buddy, reading the paper trading sections, buddy hands me a section says get a load of this, seems Richard Geer and David Bowie made it on the back pages of the Tuscon police log honorable mention for having been rushed to the hospital, Richard Geer had a gerbil stuck up his ass and Bowie was his signifigant “partner” other there for morbid support.
        My buddy lived in Boston, he mentioned something about the gerbil starts trying to dig its way out and its some kind of erotic anal sensation thrill or something.
        WTF?
        Where the fuck do people come up with this shit? A fucking gerbil, piece of pipe, and a blow torch, riiight, some new kind of romantic experience for pickle smoochers?

        Theres serenity in these mountains. It looks better every day.

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        • The link is to a case report published in the medical journal Surgery (Elsevier Press, middling impact factor of 3.36) it’s not a video. Pretty sure the eel was alive when inserted, but it died while up the guy’s colon. There is an intraoperative photo labeled “eel was biting splenic flexture” showing the (now dead) eel with teeth sunk into the” left corner” of the large intestine. The jackass who put the eel up his own ass had to get a diverting colostomy (yeah, the external literal shit bag and everything) because of the perforation. Sometimes you get real-time karma….

          Re the Richard Gere/ass-gerbil story. So almost 30 years ago I was on the quad lift at Vail with three guys I didn’t know. They were talking about ass hamsters in a way that I found quite disturbing. What I learned was: 1) bring heavy clippers (like for toenails) and clip the claws off, same with the teeth — this is obvs so the hamster doesn’t perforate your colon; 2) rub the mutilated hamster’s nose in cocaine before lubing it up and slipping it in. The blow gets them all hyper, and they seem to live/squirm longer than un-coked up rodents. I guess they suffocate in the colon, but it’s okay because you can basically shit them out when they’re dead, the little corpses being soft (non-rigid anyway) and all. I don’t think those guys were trolling me. In fact they were totally ignoring me, and they weren’t snickering. It was just a discussion like a normal person would have about the best way to get motor oil stains out of a shirt or something. Fuck. I’d put that story out of my head for at least 20 years. Now it’s back. Grrrr.

          I fucking hated Vail, by the way. I was there for an engineering conference: three full days in Denver, then an optional weekend workshop at Vail (business 10am-2pm; you got to ski in the early AM and the afternoon). That was the first year at Vail. Prior years had the workshop at Keystone which was much more family oriented and down to earth. Skiing at Vail was just fine (though I am a shit skier), but I really disliked the customers skiing there: mostly smug, entitled assholes all decked out in Bogner or whatever rich-assholes-who-ski wore back then. People who actually worked there (but lived in places like Eagle, CO because they couldn’t afford Vail) were just fine. It was really interesting. Waitresses, barmaids, the guy running the convenience store, they’d be all smiling and polite to the rich assholes, then you’d see their real expressions when the assholes turned their backs. I got the same until I let slip that I wasn’t a rich asshole (just an asshole), then I started hearing stories about shit the rich assholes pulled, and about how much they hated the rich assholes because of it. And now the entire country is getting to be like that.

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    • That reminds me of the joke about the gay guy that went to ER and said “I have a 12 inch vibrator stuck up my back passage”. The ER receptionist said that he need say no more but that they would get a doctor to examine him immediately.

      The doctor sent him for a X-ray and when the X-rays were delivered, explained to the gay guy that they would have difficulty in extracting the vibrator.

      “Oh, I don’t want it removed” said the gay guy, “I just want the batteries changed”.

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  2. used to work midnight shift at a hospital in philly, you would not believe the bullshit stories they
    tell about having a bed post top up their ass. i mean other than all the gsws and stab wounds
    drunk drivers pulled from wrecks. . guy swore up and down he got “It” while moving his bed
    down stairs, my co worker ask how did you change your pants ? no reply from him.
    you see a lot of stuff shoved in places you would never believe possible.
    had a gsw , one nite, guy shot in his dick- seems some guy lost his girl to a brother and he went
    around shooting guys that fit his profile- he got like 6 or 7 before the cops got him.
    try doing a retrograde on a brother who has a hole in his dick. i told him ,”either we do the test,or
    the doc cuts it off below the wound. he had the test done. weird 2 years before i left there
    honest, you wouldn’t believe what happens after midnight in the er.

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  3. 38 years working around ER’s. Don’t get me started telling war stories.
    My favorite though has to be the two drunken idiots who got the bright idea to play William Tell with their compound bows. One of them took a broadhead hunting bolt straight through one eyeball. The ER stabilized him leaving the arrow in place and airlifted him to Portland for emergency neurosurgery. Two weeks later we hear that he lost the eye, but that he’d not only survived the surgery but was listed as “No neurological deficits”. No shit. No brains to begin with, I guess nothing to lose.

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    • Greg, I was a nurse working at Holladay Park when it was open from 1980 until 2002 and that sound very familiar! When was that? He would have been sent to Immanual or Seventh Day Adventist to their trauma units.

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      • I started at RVMC in ’87 and retired 3 years ago. I don’t remember when exactly, but it was quite a while back, probably late ’90’s. The yahoos were somewhere out of Grants Pass. I vaguely recall that he was sent to OHSU on pill hill, but I could easily be wrong on that.

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