It Just Occurred To Me That This Is Actually My Kind Of Christmas Season!

Everybody is whining and sniveling about how their Christmas is ruined this year and I am just happier than shit with it!

I didn’t have to go fuck around getting a damn Christmas tree and drag it in the house.

I didn’t have to spend twenty minutes trying to get it mounted, level and turned just so to make the Wifely Unit happy either.

She finally got wise last year and went and bought one of these things.

Works for me!

No more Pine needles all over the damn place, cats knocking the decorations off, no watering, no trimming, no decorating.

Just take it out of the box, slap it on the table and plug it in.

I like it.

I don’t have to go to the Fucking Mall this year either.

WHOOO HOOO!

I hate that sonofabitch with the heat of a thousand suns.

The only person I have to get any gifts for is the Wifely Unit and she ain’t got the Christmas Spirit for fuck all this year either.

She just wants some Bailey’s for her coffee and a bunch of candy.

I ordered a couple different flavors of the Baileys she wanted and a bunch of the fancy chocolate/ salted caramel shit she wanted earlier this month and it’s already out in the garage.

She did want some Pumpkin Spice flavored Baileys too. I spent two hours scouring the internet for some of that shit, finally found someone that said they had it and ordered a bottle.

I got a confirmation and the next day I got a tracking number.

Two days later I got an Email telling me they were refunding my money with no explanation why.

Because Fuck Me, that’s why.

The stuff is unobtanium I guess.

Oh well.

So I am just going to throw some cash in an envelope and Merry Fucking Christmas honey.

I didn’t have to fuck with any Christmas lights this year either although there was someone who had inspired me and I was actually kind of looking forward to that.

Unfortunately The Wifely Unit put the Kibosh to that shit before I could even drag the box of lights out.

I don’t have to drive all over creation this year to multiple family Christmas parties and deal with that bullshit either. That means I don’t have to buy a bunch of extra gifts either to go along with that.

My Mom is in poor health and has been in and out of the hospital down in Arizona because she just had to go down there again this year, against her doctors advice.

So I don’t have to go to her place either.

I don’t mess with sending Christmas cards out to begin with so that isn’t anything to worry about.

We aren’t having my kids over for our little Christmas party this year.

Everybody is scared shitless they are going to get The Rona so all of that kind of shit is out the window.

It’s looking like it’s going to be a pretty damn quiet Christmas around here. I still haven’t heard if we are going to the In Laws on Christmas Eve.

That is The Wifely Unit’s Families Big Deal every year. Both of them are pretty health fragile as it is, I can’t see them having a house full of people either.

We aren’t spending way too damn much money this year on top of it all.

I may just get lucky and avoid about 90% of the shit that irritates the daylights out of me every year at Christmas.

That would be awesome in my book.

28 thoughts on “It Just Occurred To Me That This Is Actually My Kind Of Christmas Season!

  1. Friday is my birthday. I’ve hated Christmas since I was old enough to understand either one. As normal, I’ll turn everything electronic off and spend the day building, repairing, reloading, relearning something that needs done. Fuck the rest of the planet, this is MY day off.

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    • My Wifey Unit’s is the 15th, she’s not happy it’s so near Christmas. However, after 66 years she’s bowed to the inevitable. Besides, the Middle Daughtersaurus that lives with us has a Dec 11th Birthday as well.
      They have it easy. How would YOU like an April 1st birthday, eh?!?!

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      • Mine’s the 19th. Just the right distance from Christmas that my cheap-ass relations could pull the “Christmas and birthday present together” scam on me all the early years of my life.

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  2. Pretty much the same deal here. One son and family in Knoxville, another in Oakland, CA and I’ve managed to beg off seeing The Cousins this year.

    Plus, apparently, I’m getting an inguinal hernia for Christmas.

    On a brighter note, I’ve managed to avoid hearing “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and “Felice Navidad”, which I consider a personal accomplishment.

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  3. Sounds like a good Christmas. I almost achieved that status as well but no the inlaws are coming Monday but I get rural time in Gods country for 4 days before that to commune with God, ancestors and deceased family members spirits. I do like having my kids home though as they are young and scattered to the wind. God Bless and Merry Christmas Phil. Thanks for helping us get through this year.

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  4. Nothing wrong with a non-hysterical Christmas for once. Running around like a crazy person trying to make everybody happy isn’t what it’s supposed to be about anyway. The only thing I look forward to is fixing a prime rib on the big green egg for Christmas dinner and maybe some time around the campfire ring with my sons and a few close friends (and a refreshing beverage). As far as Christmas music is concerned if any of your readers are interested in a break from “Rockin Around..” et al and want some real music, one of my sons friends is a master musician and a Baylor Music School graduate. We were in the audience for the taping of the 2017 Christmas concert and if any of your readers are interested here is the link: Might not be for everyone and I get that too.

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  5. Well Bah Humbug to you too Phil.

    Kidding. I’m with you where doing without all of the hoopla is a good thing.

    I’m wishing you a nice quiet Christmas.

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  6. Bingo man ! Scerw all that crap .I know how my family is .So to Deal with the crap i just buy 5 of what i want to give .an extra just incase battcrap crazy mother inlaw shows up .That covers my ass makes them happy thats all i give a crap about . Ya all have a good day.🤓

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  7. We started a couple years ago setting up a Christmas tree on the front porch. I string it with lights and nothing else. I don’t even have to water it, the bucket it’s mounted in is frozen solid.
    As for holiday celebrations, I recommend a DVD of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation to remind us of all the “fun” we’re not having.

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  8. That has been my standard for the last 7 years, no Christmas, no parties, no mall shit, no Christmas cards and I like it! Peace and quiet and I can sleep in, and fix my own breakfast and eat chili, cheese brats with onions and more cheese sprinkled on top with a couple of beers and watch the definitive Christmas movie Die Hard and sit and fart and belch… Merry Un-Christmas Phil!

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  9. We have a grand total of TWO Amazon boxes under the artificial tree, and they’re for the Daughtersaurus that lives in our basement (just kidding, she has a room upstairs…)! I told my kiddos to give me cash this year because I’ll be getting a Starlink earth satellite receiver soon and at $500 they ain’t cheap.Living on SS puts a crimp in my champagne lifestyle, y’know!

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  10. Since I left the nest I have never owned a Christmas tree or sent a Christmas
    card. It feels no different than any other day of the year. With a running
    invitation at a relative’s house, I had to buy shit for young-uns. Going to
    a Toys R Us store during Christmas rush leaves me wanting to eat a gun!
    The only silver lining was the Girl Scouts who set up tables outside the
    store where they wrapped presents for a mall donation. I doubled the
    price just to avoid wrapping the shit myself!

    Liked by 1 person

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