13 thoughts on “G’Nite Asshole

  1. 30 year FF/EMT in South Florida. During the 80’s and 90’s and 2000’s. Like Cederq said. A regular occurrence. One particular call. My partner an I wrestling a guy who weighed maybe a 160-170 lbs. I weigh 210 and my partner weighs a bit more. The crazy guy is banging us together like cymbals. We dumped almost all our Valium on him before he settled down.

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  2. Used to work at a mental not-prison-because-not-guilty-by-reason-of-insanity facility. Ever wonder what happens to all those star High School football players that don’t go to college or to the pros?

    Yup. Security guards in mental not-prisons..

    Saw a 150lb skinny dying of AIDS/HepC/whatevs with organic brain syndrome (mushy holes of dead or non-existent brain tissue within the brain, caused by AIDS/HepC/whatevs…) who went really bonkers. So we (the watchers) locked ourselves down into the control room of the pod and called secuity.

    Up comes 6 really big and wide ex-football players carrying a capture shield (a lexan shield like a normal cop shield but turned around so the cup of the shield points outward. And they come into the pod and stack up and charge the crazy mofo. Who gets smashed against the pod wall. Then crazy mofo then proceeds to start tossing said ex-foosball players around like an angry child tossing its toys.

    Same crazy mofo, one day, was making the strangest noises in his room (conveniently located right next to the control room with a window into his 10×10 room. Looked up to see what crazy mofo was doing and he was running on the walls. Seriously, one step on the floor then one on the wall, one on the adjoining wall, one on the floor, one on the wall, one on the adjoining wall, repeat repeat repeat. He didn’t stop until he broke his ankle stepping into the narrow window into his cell. No, he didn’t actually stop running, just he couldn’t get up onto the wall again as the floppy foot was slowing him down.

    Another time, just came on shift and crazy mofo is banging on his window. Which is now showing his room is 3′ full of water. Stupid crazy mofo clogged up his door and the drains and just ran the water. And fuckwit previous shift employees just let him fill up a 10×10 room 3′ full of water. How long does it take to fill a 10×10 room from a sink? Dunno. But it was at that time that I knew my fellow cow-orkers hated me. Fuckers.

    (Interesting note: The facility was originally planned without a fence, but with a moat and lots of Spanish Bayonets (a southern plant that’s kind of a big fucking vertical agave or aloe plant with really long narrow leaves that end in a fucking 2-4 inch spike. The architects assumed only crazy people would ever crawl through a wall of Spanish Bayonets then swim a 30′ moat full of alligators and cottonmouth and snapping turtles and killer brain amoeba. Apparently the architects didn’t realize that they were designing a fucking INSANE ASYLUM FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE! Yeah, after they lost half the facility within the first 30 days, the moat was filled in, plants removed, and a standard double prison fence covered in razor wire magically appeared.)

    But there were benefits… Every play basketball with someone on serious levels of Lithium onboard? It’s fucking funny, as even the slowest ‘normal’ could outmaneuver the drugged out crazy ‘residents.’

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  3. Unfuck, if people encounter any of Deathray’s Sasquatch girlfriends, they’ll just assume that they were in the first echelon of experimental vaccine recipients. He got clean away again!

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