No Joke

I don’t know about anyone else but I have literally broken two pairs of the big nail clippers trying to cut my toe nails in the last year or so.

I have one middle toe that the nail gets so thick that I can’t even get the big clippers to open up enough to get over it in the first place. I finally said Fuck it and went and grabbed a small pair of Dikes and just use those now.

Another weird thing I have noticed over the last couple of years is how damn fast my finger and toe nails grow anymore.

It’s almost freaky.

I lost count of how many pairs of socks I had to throw out because of holes in them from it.

Don’t even get me started on the eyebrows and nose hairs either.

31 thoughts on “No Joke

    • Naw, I don’t think so, it’s not discolored and my feet don’t stink.
      I Shattered the Big toe and broke the one next to it when I was in high school, it’s probably related to that.
      All 3 toes took a major hit.


      • Dremel Tool with a fine stone pyramidal shaped will grind down the nail head so you can clip it, it is what I use for the same reason on two of my toenails that decided to go zombie on me…


    • Lol!
      I’m a guy.
      Snip ’em off and I have small rolls of Emory Cloth handy I use to sand the sharp corners off with.
      I unroll an inch or two, tear it off and throw it in the garbage when I’m done.


  1. But, but don’t you married blokes just get your wife to darn your socks? I thought you got hitched for things like that, and all the *free* sex?


    • Being married is not *Free Sex*, you pay for it dearly, iffn’ ya can get it and even then there is usually a higher cost to it that comes with her being pissed and/or contemptuous of something you did or didn’t do or say. Like the old saw says, “If it flies, floats or fucks, it is better to rent it.”


      • Fuck yeah! I once dated a chick in Rubidoux CA. I was the only
        person in the city who did not know that she was the town punch-
        board. That led to a megadose of penicillin. After that, I fell in
        love with my best friend’s sister. She turned out to be the
        Godzilla of all golddiggers. When she married an Aussie con
        artist who subsequently went bankrupt over a tainted batch of
        Australian wine, I had a smile on my face. If I had a dime for
        every time I wined and dined some romantic prospect, I would
        be Bill Gates rich!


  2. Welcome to the Golden Years, Phil. They suck.
    The hairs on top of my ears get so long between haircuts I’ve been thinking about letting them go and braiding them, kind of like Jeff Quinn used to do with his beard.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Still growing the same amount of hair, however I have noticed the hair on my head no longer has the energy to make it to the top, so it detours out my ears and nose too. I blame my hearing loss on too much hair growth.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Part of the problem is those nail clippers are made in Chinkyland. Their shit
    does not hold up to use. Buy something as simple as a hand-cranked can
    opener. The fucking handles are hard as silly putty. After ten uses they
    end up in the trash. As a backup, I bought a P-38, something I had on my
    key ring when I was a Cub Scout. It too was made of Chinesium. You can
    still buy quality items but you will have to pay for it.

    PS I too have that problem. My left big toenail is so thick I have to use
    dikes to cut it!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. No shit! Same thing here Phil, shit grows wicked fast, the old toe nails are like claws if not kept back. If your not wearing machine shop safety glasses you can poke a eye out they jet off across the room so hard when you cut them. Piiiing! Faster en a .22.
    And those ingrown big toe nails. Got a set of precision wire nippers made for stainless steel aircraft safety tie wire, and a can of spray lidocaine to dig the bastards out. The indent left is getting closer to the toe bone each time.
    Its war now, getting so there’s almost a sadistic rush out of it.

    The old lady got a bottle of this liquid for skin tags. Never had one before. You brush the stuff on and in a week or so the tag looks like its died from frostbite, they break off and its good.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh hell, Phil Carson, I just grab mine with a pair of forceps and take my scalpel and cut them off, be a man! sure it hurts, but I just jump around and spray blood out and then compress the wound and it is all good…


  6. Yeah man, I have them in my bush kit, though it sees no use now. Cederq and Deathray aren’t around (which is suspicious, those two together in meatspace means trouble), so I ragged on you. Though I can imagine you as a Cub Scout with your trusty Walther!


  7. We use a reverse-curve animal nail/claw clipper, works great and stays sharp ’cause it’s NOT made of Chinesium…
    Had it for at least 30+ years.


Pansies, Trolls and Liberals are urged to flee this place.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s