It Failed But I Win Anyway?!!

The nightmare continues but I get a much needed reprieve in a very unexpected way.

I went over to the In Laws yet again this morning to try and get Dad’s Chevy Tahoe through the emissions test at DEQ, my third attempt.

Wonder of wonders, we did, actually, get there!

It failed miserably.

About two miles from our destination the damn Check Engine light came on.

You can probably imagine my reaction to that.

I had my code reader so I cleared it.

This is the third time, it’s a Bank 2 catalytic converter not operating correctly code or something very similar.

We get down there and the chatty fellow hooks it all up and I got to pay and he says not so fast.

Something about clearing that code also wipes out the computers memory of what is called a “Drive Cycle”.

The engine has to start cold, you have to let it warm up with the defrosters and everything on to put a load on the electric system, then you have to take it out and get it up to 55 miles an hour at 1/2 throttle, drive 3 miles, coast down to 20 mph without hitting the brakes, get it back up to 55 at 3/4’s throttle and drive it 5 miles and who fucking knows what all.

Since it was less than an hour before they closed the chances of getting the engine cooled down to ambient temp and then getting all that hokey fucking bullshit done was zero.

Called the Wifely Unit, listened to a bunch of griping and complaining, pretty much had all of that that I was going to put up with and told her where the bear shits in the woods and then took the rig and the old guy home to listen to his wife piss moan and complain about throwing money away on a piece of garbage.

Using every ounce of what little self control I can still muster, I explained to her that this vehicle has had zero maintenance done on it for the last several years and that part of the problem is that the old guy only putts around town at 25-30 miles an hour and never gets more than three miles from the house.

The brakes were overdue and the radiator was obviously also overdue and that under normal circumstances, most people don’t have to cough up money for these items back to back when they keep their vehicles somewhat maintained.

I am doing everything I can to get this thing through the emissions test, in my “spare time” but I do not have a magic wand.

Trust me when I say she could tell that I was right on the ragged edge of my ability to contain my own frustrations.

She calmed right down at that point. They are both very grateful and I know that. It is very stressful to them and I know that also but taking pot shots at the messenger will result in a barrage of HE Incoming your way in a hurry at this point.

People have a very strange habit of trying to find someplace else to be when I get pissed off and start ranting because the more I rant, the more it feeds on its self and in no time flat I have this look on my face like I am going to fucking kill you at any moment.

So everyone cooled off a bit and just before I was getting ready to leave a thought came to me.

Being the life long rule breaker and law skirter than I am, I’m actually surprised it took me so long to think of it because I have done this for myself in the past.

All of this hullabaloo about getting this rig through DEQ is because the tags are now expired so he can’t drive it legally and they need someone who can run up to the store etc.

I told her to go down to the nearest DMV office and get a temporary trip permit.

This of course was responded to by the question of how they were supposed to get there if they couldn’t drive legally.

Me being the brilliant motherfucker that I am, promptly threw my wife under that speeding bus.

A very rare Twofer gentlemen.

Having solved my immediate problems I left and came home.

When I got back here I didn’t even say anything to the Wifely Unit, she was absorbed in her usual television watching activities.

To head off any questions I immediately sat down here and Googled Oregon DMV Trip Permits.

This is where I struck Gold.

With this Kung Flu bullshit going on, you have to make an appointment to get in to see someone at the DMV.

Then I saw it right there on the DMV website.

Let it be known to all far and wide that I found something that I think that Commie Bitch Governor Kate Brown actually did right.

In one of her Royal Decree’s, she actually made it illegal for an Oregon Police Officer to give you a ticket for driving around with an expired drivers license or expired registration until Dec 21st, 2020.

For the win gentlemen!

I copy pasted two links and the texts to this and Emailed it to The Wifely Unit.

She read it and came to the same conclusion I did.

I told her to call her Mom and tell Daddy that he can drive that fucking Yukon wherever the hell he wants to and this gives me a break so that I can go over there later to see about this “Drive Cycle” bullshit at my leisure.

In other words, I need to go over there and just drive that fucker like I stole it to try and get that exhaust cleaned out so that code goes away, then take it down to get it tested after I am certain that fucking Check Engine light isn’t going to come back on or if it does, see what that is going to take to fix.

This is awesome news because I have to work next Saturday and won’t be available for these kinds of games.

Se yes, even though it failed, I get a win or at least a reprieve.

This is a very good thing because I am about done taking shit for something that isn’t supposed to be my responsibility in the first place and have been doing everything in my power to take care of anyway.

40 thoughts on “It Failed But I Win Anyway?!!

  1. Wouldn’t it have been cheaper and less stressful to move them to say Yakima? I have no idea but I think that area doesn’t have DEQ requirements, unless the whole damn state is a DEQ nightfuckmare.


    • Just the Portland Metro area and they only still have it as a way to get into your ass pocket. Everywhere else, including Vancouver has closed all of theirs because studies have shown that the newer computerized cars have in fact dropped the emissions levels down to the point they are no longer needed.


        • Don’t know about Medforf. I think rigs go exempt at thirty years. I know at 30 years here in Wa state you can also get Classic Vehicle plates and never have to pay for tags again.


          • Medford still has it and we had to do it living in Phoenix, but my brother in Gold Hill does not. We’ve since moved out of the area. The other kicker is that over 20 model years old is exempt, so you can find yourself in a line of traffic belching blue smoke, and they’re exempt. As Phil says, it only still exists as a way to get in your ass pocket–I think they refer to it as “revenue enhancement.”
            As for the Tahoe, there is a point for any vehicle where the blue book value crosses the line to ZERO. If you don’t blow up the tranny getting the engine hot enough, it may be time to get rid of the POS.

            Liked by 1 person

  2. If you haven’t already run some Seafoam through the thing…..if it hasn’t been driven hard and hot it is probably full of fouling. A chemical cleaner might help get some of the crap out of it.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Not enough time and not enough treatment(s), Phil. If that POS is as clogged as you and I think it is, it’s gonna need several tankfulls to get the garbage to go out the tailpipe!

        I just realized my ’89 SHO is 40 years old !! I really *should* get a Classic Car plate. It always passed emissions even after it wasn’t necessary, and they quit testing me after their equipment would no longer connect to my OBD-1 connector! Heh.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Gonna be expensive, with Cat converters $400 and more nowadays! Do they make reman converters? If not, why not? The Platinum doesn’t wear out.


    • Even better than the Seafoam, from what I’ve read!

      I run 5 tankfuls of Premium (in a row) through my cars that require emissions tests at least once a year – seems to help lots and lots. Never had a cat code come up. But then, I don’t drive like an 80-year-old, either.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. That raises the question of how far family obligations will stretch.
    If I tell the family member that the vehicle needs X and they object, then I just don’t ever find the time to continue the project.
    Even if’s a safety item, I cannot make them do what is for their own good.

    I have begun to discover rather late in life, that when most people ask for my help they really mean they want me to do every part of a job, or a repair, and they contribute nothing.
    I’ve had some success in stopping this behavior by saying things like, let me know when you have the brake pads in your hands, then come over and I will have you change them while I tell you how to do it.
    Turns out they never actually get the brake pads.

    For those that get the parts, we have quality time together and they learn a lot.
    If you meet me halfway, I’m a patient, and skilled teacher.


    • John in P, as it should be! I am a lot like you, I won’t do something on your car/house/yard equipment, I will show you how to do the repairs and at first tell you you what parts you need, it is up to you, (family/friends) to learn how to do for your self. And… don’t ever use a tool the wrong way in front of me, tools misused is sacrilege.


    • Funny you should mention your method to get The Other Party to participate, as I always have my kids do the work with my CLOSE supervision, and take over if it’s beyond their ability or they are about to do something unsafe or stupid!
      My one daughter takes it to the shop rather than have Dad ride herd on them while they bend the wrenches. My other three kids buckle down and get right in there. My middle daughter is shaping up quite nicely, although she finds crawling under a car at age 40 is difficult. Gee, imagine that…


  4. Use a bottle or two of RXP (Autozone or ORielly’s)and burn it out at high way speeds.
    I rescued a stalled Honda Civic on the roadside that was so cruded up that it stopped running. Poured a small bottle in, let it set, then it started on the second try and ran great…
    Got an inspection sticker on the car the following week with another bottle of RXP in a full tank. I have used it for over 30 years in all my vehicles every 8-10,000 miles.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I live in the ex-urbs of Clackamas and wouldn’t go Downtown no matter how much you paid me.
    I drive behind large trucks spewing black clouds on the narrow two-lane state roads every single day; the state police don’t see this‽
    Dumb question of the day:
    just what is the purpose of the emissions test at the Oregon DEQ for anyone outside of Multnomah?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Emissions Testing is scam, so are periodic vehicle inspections…designed to lift yet more cash from an owners wallet under the guise of health & Safety. Who pays for all this time spent trying to get a vehicle tested…wasted unproductive hours, which are another loss of income.


  7. Chances are the Cat is clogged up from not getting to a proper operating temperature from all the local driving. You could change the downstream O2 sensor as it is the source of the code. The sensor is not reporting data that the ECU likes so you get the code. If your code reader can do live data, watch the voltages of the downstream O2 on that cat and see if they vary like the down stream on the other cat. If the readings are flat it is probably the sensor and you can get one online for between 25 and 30 dollars instead of 50 and up at a parts store. I know this because my Suburban has the same emissions equipment. BTW Bank 1 is drivers side. Bank 2 passenger. On my truck the exhaust pipe crosses from the manifolds to the cats so the cat on the left is Bank 2. Just a heads up.

    The cure for the Tahoe is a nice 30 mile trip down the road at 50 or better every week or so. I have a similar problem with my rig as I only drive about 6 miles one way to town and back so every couple of weeks I do an hour’s drive around the area. Where I live there are no interstates so it is local highway but at the state speed limit I get things good and warm.

    Good luck and if your code reader does not do live data you can get one for less than 100 that will do anything you own and this is well worth the investment for future car repairs.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I should have thought about this earlier. Does the shit that measures exhaust
    emissions at the tailpipe measure O2, or do they the measurement from the
    onboard computer? If there is a way to cheat, someone will do it. I once did
    a hack on a spa heater that my boss bought to use in an industrial process.
    He fucked up because the process needed a higher temperature. The
    temperature probe was a simple thermocouple. I added a resistor and

    Now, every probe or sensor adheres to a standard; 4-20 ma. 0-10 v, etc.
    I just checked a site and found that 2000 and newer cars are tested by
    the OBD port. Find a geek have him do a hack. I’m surprised that
    there are not black market hacks or even sensors themselves. Here is
    the site:

    Liked by 1 person

    • This makes me wonder if they have to bump that age requirement up every year. If so, the next cut off date would be the model year of 2000 and this ’99 Yukon would then be exempt next year.
      That would work nicely for me as the Oregon state Covid exemption for expired tags would end on Dec 21st of this year.


  9. Glad to see that Murphy has taken a break from tormenting you, Phil.

    In Ontario, we had the same emissions BS that you’re going through. That changed when the Conservatives replaced the Liberals a few years ago. One of the first acts the Conservatives did was to get rid of the emissions testing.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hey egorr, please get your home-mechanic daughter to check your math when you’re cranking out reloads for your poor (classic plate!) SMLE rifle. Some oldtimers snuck in on your ’89 rig being 40 (?) years old already.


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