And The Fun Continues!

So if you have been following along with Phil’s Most Excellent Adventures  you will know that I have pretty much had a shit storm of a week. 

Well it just went into overdrive

I get up this morning, fiddle fart around while I wait for my phone to charge and get ready to drive over to my Father In Law’s place,  to drag him and the 4WD Chevy  Tahoe that I had to put a radiator in last weekend,  down to DEQ for the smog test

I get over there, collect him and the rig and head on down the highway.  We get about ten miles away to just outside Gresham and all of a sudden I start feeling a vibration from the right front

I slowed down and it very quickly got so bad I thought the fucking front wheel was loose so I pulled over to take a look and of course the only tools I have on me are a four and a six inch crescent wrench in my pockets. I managed to get the center cap off the wheel and then opened up the back of the rig to snag a lug wrench and check them for tightness No Jack, no lug wrench, no spare. Of Course! The six inch crescent opened up just enough to get on the lug nut but none of them were obviously loose . I snapped the center cap back on and decided to try and limp the damn thing the mile into town. I made it into a Fred Meyer parking lot and when I went to turn in I could smell hot brakes and the thing would barely roll . I stopped to figure out a game plan, found a Les Schwab tire outfit a few miles away and went to put the thing in gear to try and limp it in No dice. The brake caliper was locked up tighter than a Preacher’s prick in a calf’s ass.

I managed to get it into an empty Burger King lot and here we sit. Waiting on a damn Tow Truck. It’s coming from Vancouver, clear in a different state for some fucking reason

Where this thing is going to wind up at is still to be determined but it sure as shit isn’t going to be making it to DEQ, again

Update , got it towed, the front brake job is three hundred , IF, it doesn’t need rotors. Five if it does. They say it should be done by end of day.

Ayep, the rotors were shot, no surprise there. As hot as that one got I imagine it turned a pretty shade of blue.

So just under $500 to get the front brakes done.

To say I am pretty much done fucking with this cocksucker is a major understatement. The damn thing still needs front tires and I still need to get the motherfucker to DEQ, which I have tried to do twice now. It is what it is and I am dealing with it and rolling with the punches but my Aggravated Meter is pretty much pegged at this point.

I still have to go to my Mom’s and finish that fucking light fixture job too.

34 thoughts on “And The Fun Continues!

  1. Dont worry,, Youll soon be rich beyond your wildest imagination.. Just as soon as someone latches onto your life story,, and makes the movie that it would so clearly be.


  2. Holy shit, man. I just don’t get it. How do you manage to get screwed like this nearly every time you attempt to help someone? I just got done reading the post about the light fixture that was crafted in the very pits of hell and the asshats at the hardware store hooking you up with a whole handful of useless shit. I’d be tempted to take up drinking again just to give myself a new flavor of headache on the weekends.

    Liked by 1 person

    • With age comes patience. I do what I can do and try not to stress about shit I have no control over . I done my share of drinking. Enough to kill several mere mortals in my day. That isn’t an option anymore.


  3. The best fucking wheel related payback story ever told was when I spent one,
    one month off and another month on at the oil refinery in Anacortes Washington
    in the dead of winter. The contract required that we hired a number of local
    Millwrights from Washington and Idaho. One of the locals came in with a Rush
    Limbaugh hat. We hit it off instantly. One day he came in and accused me of
    his hat. The following day another local who shared a motel room with him told
    me that he left his hat on his bed the day before and he planted the hat in my
    backpack where I kept my lunch

    I came back to the huge metal shed where we kept our trucks, gang boxes, tools
    and some picnic benches and hid his hat. I opened my backpack and dug in.
    The dude shit his pants! That evening, I hit a local Radio Shack and bought
    some rare earth magnets that I taped to his hat and tossed it to the apex of
    the shed about 25 feet above ground level. I forgot his next move, but I took
    a roll of string line with a heavy nut and threw it over a conduit running roughly
    paralleling a wooden crossbeam. I ran it through the handle of his Igloo cooler
    and back between the conduit and the crossbeam. I hoisted it up and rocked
    it back and forth to drop it on the beam 16 feet above the concrete slab, and
    withdrew the sting line.

    Rocky hit me back one more time. The locals were invited to leave the job
    early so that we could cover the startup. Rocky and his roommate opted
    out. I gave Rockey’s roommate a can of TCE based carb cleaner, some
    shop towels, and a quarter-pound of Duxaeal to stick on the inside of one
    of his front wheels. That wheel had to be doing the Watusi by the time he
    hit 20 MPH on his way home.

    Take a lesson from a grandmaster prankster, don’t fuck with me!


    • If you really, really want to get someone but good, get a couple of the stick on wheel weights and stick them to the inside of their waterpump pulley. You’re welcome
      I too, am not one to ever fuck with.


      • Okay, good to know, okay everybody, don’t fuck with Leonard and Phil, together they will bring utter chaos and misery to your sweet ass… Well shit, I had something planned for the Sprite, I may reconsider.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Phil, the first rule of troubleshooting fluorescent fixtures is to have two known
    good tubes to eliminate the problem using the substitution method. The second
    rule is to check the connections like wire nuts and the sockets (AKA the toom-
    stones) as they are known in the trade. If this does not solve the problem,
    look for a bad ballast which can also cause flickering. A good sign of a
    bad tube is dark discoloration, usually on one end of the tube.


    • He broke off the equivalent of a tombstone, then proceeded to short out the damn ballast to finish it off. The tombstone equivalent was a plastic hexagonal piece with two little studs sticking out the back and held in place with a little metal clip. I never seen one like it and apparently neither had Lowe’s.


      • Well, that is your first problem, going to Lowes, when you hire girls, effeminate boys to run a hardware store you get what ya pay for… Isn’t there any true hardware store around Vancouver or portslime anymore?


      • What you are saying is that this fixture is so weird, you cannot find
        a direct replacement. If the tubes have two pins on each end, they
        conform to American and ISO standards. Think outside the box
        and by that I mean a modern one or two-tube fixture also conforms
        to American and ISO standard dimensions. I am not there but if
        you cannot find the tombstones, replace the entire fixture whether
        it is external or recessed.

        Every forklift made in the world no matter the make will accept
        dozens of forklift attachments over the last 80 years because
        they share a common standard. They can be fitted with bale
        clamps roll clamps, bale clamps, and what is known in the carpet
        industry as a “big dick”, etc. Most fluorescent fixtures are slotted
        to accept standard tombstones. If you cannot replace the tomb-
        stones, replace the entire fixture!

        If the fixture is slotted for modern tombstones, buy one and
        see if it fits the slots and wire accordingly.


  5. Meaning no disrespect to your family, I do not understand and never will understand how some people can let the vehicle go un-maintained. This is not about mechanical aptitude, this is about knowing maintenance has to happen on the vehicle or it will break, as you have described.


    • I know some people, my sisters especially, can take a new car and in two years have a wreck, with no maintenance. I just put gas in, I didn’t know you had to do other stuff… they say I take it to Jiffy Lube, what they do I have no idea. That’s why it may answer your question Grog. I firmly believe if you get a driver’s license, you need to take a mandatory 1 year class on vehicle maintenance. I feel the same way for toll usage, you need to know how and why it operates.


      • There is some defence . . . . my brother was the family motor head; when ever i asked him to show me how to fix stuff, he just said get the F outta the way & did it his self. Now with him dropping dead I have to find someone to do shit for me knowing that they aint ever gonna do it good as him. (i miss that sum’bitch.)


  6. As soon as my wife got her drivers license and first car, I bought, (and maintain) an AAA membership. So whenever one of our vehicles needs any work, I call AAA and have it flat-bedded out to my buddy Dave’s shop. Then, a week or two later, I have them bring it home for me.

    They used to have a add piece that went along the lines of “sooner or later, you’ll break down and join AAA”.


  7. Phil, it may just be a bigger problem than Old Timer’s disease for memory or logic lapses with Cederq. Aussie pox-doctors are known to groan aloud at the future workload whenever they hear of a US ship to be granted shore leave at some port. I recall Cederq saying that he visited Perth once, if he didn’t leave something behind, then maybe he picked up a keepsake to remind him of a good time in WA? That is, remind him until the brain-eating part got too bad. Could be too, that’s where his snark bites originate? I must remember to grant the poor old fellow more leeway in future. I think he really needs to consume Vegemite in quantity, boost him up. As for you Phil, no joking, it may help with your general health, despite Leonard’s criticism. Just be careful you don’t get hooked on it, or your accent will flatten out like an Aussie’s!


    • Yah, I visited Perth once, stayed on the ship as it was only there for a day and the Captain did not grant liberty for his boys or for us that were hitching a ride. All we did was take on fuel and grub. So I got to see the waterfront and some of the skyline of Perth and believe me I was not impressed. Your pox Docs groaned because the wimmins of Aussie land know what a real man looks and acts like so they fight each other to be in the company of a virile, red blooded American Male…


  8. Cedrex, although it is now thought womens’ remit to do as they will with their own bodies, I reckon it’s usually those virile greenbacks that whores of all nationalities, including Aussie ones, find so interesting about Yanks. Of course young people want to have fun, a lot want to rub their wee-wees together apparently (good on ’em, that is how we all got here!), but Australia should demand reparations from the US Navy in particular for the medical bill!


  9. I feel you. I needed some wheels, found a 99 Sub that was running like a top. After I plopped down the cash, it quits starting. Just tries and then quits. Plugs were burnt off to the insulator, so “tune up” time. Rotor is burnt off, cap was broken and had fuzz growing on all the contacts. New wires to finish it out. Worked great once, next day, again…. new coil, works for a day, then again….. I have a MPLS spider to put on today, new distributor pickup, and ignition control module. This baby only has a 100k on it, and it’s a base model with rubber carpet, crank windows, and runs great…. when it runs…. What a year…..


  10. B.C. Chris Lapp, if I ever trip over that fucken Irish prick Murphy, I’ll kick some meat off of the drunken, cackling mongrel shit! That’s provided I can get my crip knees and legs to do the job, and I don’t fall over when I stand on one leg! When I’m done, I’ll pass him on to Phil and the rest of you blokes to give him the hiding he deserves!


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