Miserable Fuckers

It’s once again long overdue.

My Sister In Law gave me this little Craftsman lawn blower/vacuum/mulcher gizmo last year and it is a Godsend. I raked up all these fucking leaves a couple of times in the past and it about kilt me.

13 fucking large yard bags full and it filled up the back of the Caballero completely. This thing cuts that in half but it is still a bunch of work.

These damn leaves are big and leathery. When the wind blows it scatters them all over the damn neighborhood and quite rightly pisses the neighbors off because then they have to deal with them. The Wifely Unit nags at me when I finally get around to cleaning them up saying it’s a waste of time. That may be but it drives me crazy if I don’t. I’m sure the neighbors are all peeking out their windows saying FINALLY!

I gotta get back to work before it starts getting hot around here.

23 thoughts on “Miserable Fuckers

  1. If the neighbors bitch, tell them to help you or shut the fuck up, you have no control over the weather, especially the east wind out of the gorge.

    What do they say when the freezing rain starts? I still remember the storm in ’96



    • Theses things don’t degrade for shit. They are an average of four to six inches long and are about as thick as heavy butcher paper.
      They will lay there all year long without turning into mulch and I have tried mulching them up with the mower.
      It just cuts them into little pieces .
      Fucking things are kind of like plastic in that regard.


      • What kind of trees? from the picture it kinda looks like Magnolia trees and those leaves are a bitch! Same thing, about 5 inches long and do not decompose and will blow the fuck everywhere. When I lived in Alabama I cut a bunch of them down and the neighbors just about had a heart attack… they are like a national tree down there. I told them to grab a fucking rack and rack the damn things up then or shut the fuck up. I didn’t want to deal with them anymore.


  2. I’ve got one of those electric mulcher/blowers, made by Toro. Right handy, noisier’n hell – sounds like a full-race blender at work. Bag hasn’t blown out yet.


    • If you look closely at the picture there is river rock, boulders and big root systems underneath those trees.
      Not conducive to running a mower over. If I have to blow them onto the lawn to run over them with the mower I might as well just vacuum the fuckers up.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel you, bro! I have a big ass tree out here in Burnt Scrotum CA. Every Fall
    the fucker never stops shedding leaves. It takes months to shed the last leaf.


  4. Growing up and until 5 years ago my parents had a house in the middle of 25 acres of N. E .
    woods. Now the yard around the house was thinned out for grass to grow but still had a bunch of trees. Some over 125′. From the time I was about 10 up to when they sold the place I took care of the yard work.

    When I was a young lad the leaves were raked into long rows and then onto a big tarp and pulled into the woods and started again. That was a good 3 days if I didn’t dick around and kept at it. That was fall clean up. Then the yard would fill up again with the winds of winter so I got to rinse and repeat in the spring.

    I missed a few years while away serving Uncle Sugar.
    Came back and started a tree and land clearing business that I ran for 25 years.
    Needless to say I had a couple zero turn commercial mowers and a vacuum system that mulched the leaves and blew them into a trailer. That made life a little easier except for all the flower beds not only around the home but all throughout the yard. They were blown out by a friggin backpack blower that must have been 20 lbs. and I was way to cheap to pay my guys to work on something that wasn’t paying me, so I did it in the evening after we came in or on the weekend.

    If you haven’t started to get the picture,this place could have been in a magazine.
    It never was but, different local artists would come occasionally and do paintings or drawings of the place. When it was for sale some tv show saw the photos online and inquired about showing it on a real estate show. That never transpired as it sold right around the same time.

    I’m confident in claiming that I easily moved a few tons of leaves in my lifetime.

    Today, I’m surrounded by thousands of acres of trees but, they don’t make leaves. And, I don’t miss them at all.


  5. I have a very large Catalpa tree in the front. The leaves can be over a foot long, and a horror when they finally drop. Yeah – that much/blower thingy works like a champ on those things. But first they have to be rounded up and allowed to dry for a few days. The tree also has giant seed pods up to 18″ long. Certain times of the year, you do not walk under it without a hat, as those things will punch a hole.


    • Unclezip, thank you thank you thank you – I have NEVER been able to identify the tree t hat is in my fron yard, and now I know!!
      For some unknown reason, the tree is the LAST to start growing leaves in the spring, and usually doesn’t drop them until late late fall (after Hallowe’en), so cleanup is usually with snow on the ground.

      And, yes, the seed pods are a bitch to clean or put up with!! My particular tree is almost 90′ high and the trunk is 2-1/2′ in diameter at least.


  6. Phil, why don’t you start a rumour that the leaves work as a natural Viagra if smoked? Hillary will send Cederq around to clean up your yard!


    • I’ve told you that you better stop provoking that man.
      You’re going to be enjoying a beach party outside your mental institution some day and there’s going to be a new orderly dispensing your medication.

      You may end up taking a trip where there’s no return ticket issued.
      He’s a cantankerous old man that does not have my sunny disposition, so you should save your insults for me and butter him up like you do your step daddy in Europe.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Deathray, it’s already too late, he told Hillary about me having dirt on her. I’m so crook, I’ll beat the bitch by karking it all by my self. My kidneys the few things that work okay, so he can have them, provided that Hill don’t fry them first!


  7. Hey Cederq, I don’t know how to do this officially, but you can have my kidneys after my next MI. They may not even suit, but are among my few good organs. But you have to promise not to strain any of that woke Coors through them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, but no thanks, if I got one of your kidneys I will have this irresistible urge to be a wanker and talk funny and chase salt water crocs to pet them and piss off my American cousins even since I are one. Also eat vegemite sammichs even I don’t like what basically is hummus and walk funny like ya’ll do down there cuz’ your toting your barby down to the ocean to fire up shrimp. Oh, and coors? Not a problem, I wouldn’t force that down your gullet even if I didn’t like you.

      Liked by 1 person

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