27 thoughts on “A Lucky Kid

    • Phil’s cruel pun joke aside, your refusal to swim in the ocean is no real defence against shark attack. You Yanks also have bull sharks, which are able to live quite well, even breed in fresh water (one of 3 fresh water species in Australia), though it is more thought of as a coastal variety. Tiger sharks patrol up well beyond the brackish water line in rivers during high tides. One of America’s worst accounts of multiple attack victims was due to a great white shark entering a coastal stream in New Jersey prior to WWI, and munching down. At least your sharting problem may offer up a defence against attack, pity the poor bloody shark, having to swim through such a noxious cloud in the water. Ptt, pt-ptt, spit, gasp, yuck!

      Like

        • Speedos, aka ‘budgie smugglers’, think about it for a sec. There was a young Irish backpacker tourist, visited his cousin living near Bondi beach. One day, he borrowed his Aussie cuz’s Speedos and took his pasty-white body down to the beach for some perving at the girls. He didn’t do well with his chat-up attempts, so asked the cuz for advice. The Aussie bloke saw what Cederq was trying to sell, and advised him to drop a sweet potato down the Speedo briefs the next day, false advertising or no. The next arvo, the Mick arrived back at the cuz’s flat, severely sunburnt and even more dejected then before. He explained as how the girls would flee, soon as he approached them. The Aussie took one look and said, “Cederq, tomorrow try it again, but this time put the sweet potato down the front of your pants!”

          Like

          • I do not need a sweet potato, bud, mate, bloke, hombre…etc. I have no problems with the ladies, they gasp when I doff the speedos… and then faint.

            Like

            • So rather than a budgie, you’ve got a cockatoo! Gedit – cock or -, aw forget about it. Seemed funny when I thought of it. My problem with women is the crow lines they get from squinting! If you’re packing so much meat, wrap some gaffer tape around it, the back pressure might clear your kidney, or pop the other into life. Or hit up Monica Lewinsky, she gave the kiss of life to the dead, once. It’s all connected, like a crappy Generic Motors fuel filter and delivery system.

              Like

              • One day I’ll move complainingly into the 21st century. Still find it cool that I can go from Phil’s blog, set in a woke neo-socialist republik, over to Herr Unfuck von U’s blog, in a woke national socialist republic.

                Like

              • One day you’ll see the light, and buy a Dodge. You know, Christ drives around in a Chrysler, with a TorqueFlite shifter, smooth. Too bad you Yanks never adopted the 265 Hemi 6-banger, 302hp with triple-Webers in the Aussie & Kiwi E49 Valiant Charger (a 2-door 6-Pack coupe, but shorter and wider than the Dodge Charger, different car really).

                Like

            • Oh double fark it. Shitbox Chinee phone won’t send, then doubles up when I do get it to work. Phil, I wish you had a secretary to edit comments. Well, mine anyway.

              Like

              • I fixed it.
                That little notice right above the comment box about Pansies, Trolls and Liberals?
                It used to say “Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one, some just stink more than others. Be nice or I’ll make yours disappear.”
                I have that ability, among other things.
                Moderating comments ain’t one of my favorite things to do though.

                Like

                • No wuckas Phil, you’re the head honcho after all. Ah, just put that on Cederq’s tick please. The Opera Mini app on this Nokia doesn’t display many things I’ve seen mentioned by you. A friend took pity, gave me an old iPhone to use, but it hasn’t got any nav buttons! I’ll need advice from Cederq the techmeister about the use thereof. No stuff that, I’ll front the young chicks at the council library, make them feel sorry for the crippled old dullard.

                  Like

                  • egorr would be a better techmeister then me. All I would tell ya is get on a freakin computer to comment then an idiot smart phone. And if the computer fucks up then shut it down and then reboot, about all of my tech brains which actually resides in my shriveled up old balls…

                    Like

                    • This Chinee Nokia isn’t a smartphone, actually has olden time buttons on it. Oh well, time to learn new hardware. I have a PC, but my spinal and foreminal stenosis precludes using it. I spend my life supine, looking at life over at Phil’s junkshed, oops I mean workshop, and at Herr Unfuck von U’s sanitarium. And no, Cederq, not looking at porno, that doesn’t work on this thing, I tried already. I can’t go to a shop, but if old iPhones allow it, I might get a tablet computer online. Then I can use email, probably full of Viagra and penis enhancement offers by now (old girlfriends been gossiping!).

                      Like

            • On my wedding night my blushing bride saw me get undressed. Then she giggled and pointed and said who are you going to please with that little thing? And I said me!

              Like

  1. I know of a fella up north, went outside the local bar to take a leak next to a dumpster. Heard a noise in the dumpster and looked up to see a grizzly standing in the dumpster looking down at him.

    Shart attacks can happen on land too.

    Like

Pansies, Trolls and Liberals are urged to flee this place.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s