The Murder Princess Strikes Again

Fuckin’ cat.

The Wifely Unit shut the Tee Vee off and went to bed about a half an hour ago, a little after 1 A.M..

I was outside having a smoke so she opened the front door to tell me good night and the little Murder Princess came sprinting out the door around her. That fucking cat must go in and out of the house thirty fucking times a day, at least.

I finished my smoke, came back in and sat down to enjoy some peace and quiet without that motherfucking Squawk Box blaring at me for once.

Probably fifteen minutes later, here she comes all panicked about some damn thing, waving her arms , motioning for me to come look at something but not saying anything.

I take the headphones off, set the laptop down, sit the recliner up and ask her why she can’t just fucking tell me what she wants?

She motions over around the corner and all at once I recognize she is in Bug Mode.

Usually there is a spider or some fucking thing she wants me to dispose of when she starts acting like that.

Wasn’t a bug this time.


That ain’t no little mouse.

That is a Good Democrat.

A Big One.

She swore it wasn’t there when she went to bed but when she got back up and came out of the bedroom she saw something laying there and thought it was a sock.

Until she bent over to pick it up.

That’s when she come to me waving her arms.

The Murder Princess is a smallish cat and that rat is at least 1/4 her body size and weight easily. She has long hair so she is just a little cutie but if you got that puff ball wet there wouldn’t be a whole lot of cat there.

She is a Killing Machine that one. She must have slipped it by us when she come in through the back slider earlier that the wife keeps open all damn day.

So out to the garage to get my Varmint Fetchers again.

I have a small pair of Needle Nose pliers that I keep handy just for this little chore. It works good for grabbing dead critters by the tail or leg or whatever is left so I can take it out and dump it in the garbage can.

12 thoughts on “The Murder Princess Strikes Again

  1. You’re lucky Phil. At least the rodent wasn’t ripped to pieces, with splatters of rat guts and rat blood marking your abode. Years ago my family had a “murder princess” who loved to bring home chipmunks. How the hell that feline napped the ‘munks was beyond me .. those little suckers are FAST.


  2. Make some money…rent the Murder Princess out to the Seattle PD. Here’s the headline…..” CHAZ decimated by Murder Princess, 16 found dead on living room rug”


  3. Those are Norwegian Wharf Rats, Phil. Seriously. They’re all over Portland/Vancouver, guess how they got there?

    I used to sit out in my back yard in North Portland with a 700FPS pellet gun and shoot the little buggers. MAN, are they tough! I shot one, it squeaked and jumped 3 feet, then ran off. I thought I’d only wounded the little bugger, but found the body the next day about 15-20 feet from where I shot it. Right through it’s large vermin heart. Tough. Gotta do a headshot to kill ’em instantly…


  4. So take this story and combine with the one below and have it delivered to Chirp, Chaz, Chop or whatever the genusis call the place today. I heard they’re looking for food donations.


  5. I use a 1000fps nitropiston either .177 or .22 depending which is handy at the
    moment for dispatching vermin and rodendia up to chucks. I’m good to 25
    yards on a poor day and on my better days I control the whole yard to 50 yards.
    I got the idea for mini-sniping as a great means for practice.
    See Favorite target, beer bottle caps at 20years.

    The cat medium sized Maine Coon is indoor only but I have no reason to belive
    if one got in he’d leave it unmolested. So far he has had only the occasional fly
    to launch an assault on.



  6. I use sandwich bags to pick up dead mice that I catch in traps at camp. Put the bag over your hand like a mitten. I also use them when handling or rebaiting traps.


  7. Wish I could post a picture here….My Killer-King B.arn….Ate a snake the other day..starting at the wrong end….The 1st one I saw him nail he just chomped the head off…


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