The Wifely Unit bought one of those flexible split screen door covers with the magnets down the middle a couple of years ago. She likes to keep the patio door open so the fucking cats can come and go as they please. I was sitting here a few minutes ago with the headphones on kind of mindlessly flipping through the web looking for things of interest and I kept hearing something in the background with the occasional meow thrown in.

I wasn’t paying any attention to it until I went to get up and get some more coffee.

Across the room a bit behind me and to the right, I see the little Murder Machine batting something around.

My eyes ain’t good and these cheap glasses are so scratched they look like they are fogged up so I couldn’t tell what it was. It kind of looked like a bunched up dark colored sock.

So I walked across the room to pick it up and find out it’s a fucking bird instead.

A still warm, freshly dead bird.

Gee thanks Kitty, just what I wanted this morning. Out to the garage, get my Picking Up Dead Things The Cat Leaves Laying Around Needle Nose Pliers, come back, chase the murderous fucking cat off and pick the still limp bird up and go deposit the carcass into the garbage can outside.

The cat didn’t seem to understand my lack of enthusiasm and why it’s little present disappeared.

Back outside it went, looking for a fresh victim.

Sorry, no pics, I was too busy getting rid of the evidence and didn’t think to get one of the Great Hunter and it’s kill.

13 thoughts on “Lovely

  1. Oh come on Phil, ya didn’t just bend down and pick it up with your hand? Are you that much of a wuss? It wasn’t gonna bite ya or claw ya, now if it was the devil’s spawn feline then yes, an 18 inch crescent across it’s neck and a pair of welding tongs is what I would have used.


  2. Phil, I can top this one.

    It was in May a few years ago. I was in the process of selling my house and I had already sent my bed and furnishings to my next place and was sleeping in my camper on my truck as the next morning I would finish cleaning the house and it was too far to go to get to my new place and come back easily.

    The sliding window over the bed had a screen missing but later at night it was not too buggy so I left the window open for the breeze. All of the sudden I hear scratching and the cat came crawling in. This was a surprise as this window was high above the ground and the cat had to jump off the cab of the truck and literally catch the window frame to crawl in. I was surprised. Oh well, the cat laid down with the dog and nitey nite. I went back to sleep.

    A little while later I hear the same scratching and then a bird was dropped on my face by the cat who apparently thought I needed a present. That was a much bigger surprise…..Many words were expressed that do not bear repeating…..

    Liked by 1 person

    • The unneutered semi-feral Tomkitten I rescued from a paper mill
      5 years ago is the exact opposite. I was forced to leave out
      a ton of food and water because of unscheduled 16 to 18-hour
      marathon jobs. There was no choice but to turn the nasty little
      critter into a house cat. I can leave the door wide open and
      he is afraid to go outside for fear losing the only person he
      ever knew.

      You hit the nail on the head with the word present. My mother
      had many cats and every damn one of them brought her a
      trophy from time to time. If I can’t get the little bastard to go
      outside, Slow Poke Rodriguez is never going to get laid!

      PS I gave him that name because he was riddled with intestinal
      parasites as a kitten. I spent a ton of money getting his mangy
      ass cured, and he copped wise to the pet carrier I bought for
      him so I never got around to having him fixed. Every attempt
      to get him into the carrier involved blood loss!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. My Monster cat, Remington, Likes to bring shrews in the house and bat them round like a hockey puck at bout 4 AM. Either that or eviscerate and consume a vole, and leave a bloody mess. Last spring, he managed to catch and release, unharmed, a Sapsucker in the house. That was fun. Glad I had gloves handy. He’s hard on rodents! Mice, voles, shrews, and a chipmunk. Birds not so much. Two plus years old, and ~16 – 18 pounds. We live in a rural area, and I worry about wild animals around, but fortunately (knock on wood) there’s no coyotes around here.I think Remi could figure out how to deal with a Raccoon or possum. A few bears have been around, but they make a one night visit to be never to detected again. I have some nice teeth marks on my garbage cans.
    Digress? Sorry,


  4. One morning my sister let her tom out to take his morning constitutional (he was housebroke). She got the morning paper (this event happened pre-innerweb days), spread it out on the living room floor, did a lotus position sitdown, began reading and enjoying her wake-up coffee. A few minutes later, she heard tom scratching at the door to be let back in. She sleepily got up, opened the door and the cat whizzed inside. Sister went back to her paper and coffee.

    A couple minutes later, tom gave her his present: a live rattlesnake.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My sister said he plopped in right on the spot where she was reading, looked at her like, “Aren’t you proud of me?” and went to eating it. She didn’t interrupt his meal.

    I think she finished her coffee from a distance.


  6. I like birds more than cats. They tend to disappear around my yard never to be seen again. And in my town it’s against the law to let cats or dogs roam & I take great advantage of that.


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