According to the Wifely Unit, I am a complete idiot and literally do not know how to do anything correctly.


This includes vehicle repair, something I have been doing for over 40 years now and have been professionally trained to do, complete with a college degree in the Applied Science of Automotive Technology.

Incompetent at every task, literally changing a motherfucking light bulb even.

I shit you not.

It’s amazing I am able to manage to survive even one day on my own without her constant guidance and wisdom.

I usually just  put up with this criticism and bite my tongue.

Until I don’t.

Then someones feelings get hurt when I tell them to shut the fuck up and get back in the fucking kitchen.

It is what it is and it will only end upon one of our passings.

It does not mean we love each other any less, I suppose it is just a woman’s nature to incessantly test the boundaries and the limits of their male counterparts to keep them on their toes, I don’t know.

I DO KNOW that if a guy were to reverse that habit that it would end very badly.

This is why Man Caves and Head Phones were invented and if you think selective deafness isn’t real then you and I need to have a talk.

You talk, I’ll show you how it works.

There was a reason your Grandfather read the newspaper at the table……



8 thoughts on “Rookies

  1. There are actually scientific studies that show as men get older they start to go deaf in the frequencies that women talk at. My wife and I BOTH went to COSTCO and had our hearing tested because we are starting to say, “WHAT??” – a lot. Sure enough, a roll-off in the upper frequencies, but that’s *not* unexpected due to age.

    Besides, if we want to get the other’s attention we just throw something sharp and heavy – or if they are close/handy enough, one of the cats…


  2. I have a garage and a den, and built the Baroness a sewing room/she cave in the middle. What she has yet to realize is that her door can be separately locked from the outside. But then she’s not one for testing her boundaries. Especially since I’m also the House Chef.


  3. I showed my Wife the “why are you doing it that way” tweet. we have been in the house with two little ones for a month now. Her only comment- “That hits a little close to home.” We just played that game making dinner tonight. There are definitely no winners.


  4. Uncle had two hearing aids, big old-timey jobs, one in each shirt pocket.
    He couldn’t a been a day under 70 then.
    It was getting on to supper time, and Aunt was calling him, loudly, all over the house.
    He sat on the porch, grinning, just looking out over his pasture.
    I, all of 10 years old, and on the next rocker over, asked him if he heard my Aunt calling him.
    He understood me plainly enough, and answered, “Nope. Got my hearin’ aids turned off!”

    Some life lessons only take once to drive the point home.


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