Assholes And Elbows

Of course.

The news has been hyping some snow storm supposedly coming this way for a week now. Really flogging the donkey about it.

The Wifely Unit has now been fretting about The Kid being able to get to work in his newer Hyundai for the same amount of time.

He changed jobs and now has to drive over to Portland.

The Kid has almost zero experience driving in snow or on ice, he got a small dose last year so her concerns are justified.

This means that I have been dealing with a fretting Wifely Unit for a week and the closer this weather event gets, the harder the fretting gets.

First thing after waking up today she whips out a couple of sheets of paper stapled together and shoves them under my nose.

After putting my glasses on and turning on a light so I could fucking see, I find it’s the receipt from Jiffy Lube with a list of Rip Offs they would like to perpetrate on her after she went and got the oil changed in her rig.

So I go down the list, mentally discarding a bunch of shit when I see they are claiming her Anti Freeze isn’t up to snuff.

Oooooh Kayyy.

I sincerely doubt that but I am going to go check it here in a minute.

Her biggest concern still being The Kid and what “We” are going to do about tires and or traction devices.

“We”, being Yours Truly.

So I tells her “We” can’t afford to put $800 worth of studded tires on The Kids vehicle for maybe four days of shitty weather.

So I suggested maybe cable chains.

God Forbid.

He might have to actually have to put them on by himself and maybe it won’t be icy enough to need them when he leaves home and yadda fucking yadda.

I can’t win.

So I am going to step out of the conversation, let those two hammer it out and I am going to go check the anti freeze in all of our vehicles.

I’m quite sure she will let me know how far over I have to bend when she comes to her conclusions and I would just as soon be left out of that convoluted process.

I also have to go pony up yet another hundred and thirty fucking dollars to put new tabs on the POS Bronco for ONE FUCKING YEAR.

Yeah, thirty dollar car tabs my achin’ ass.

So it’s pretty much business as usual around here.

No rest for the wicked fucker I am and spending money I don’t get to even see.

18 thoughts on “Assholes And Elbows

  1. Not sure where you are in the People’s Republic (state) of Washington but I am familiar enough with the Portland area to know it is relatively flat as compared to where I grew up on bias ply tires dealing with the Adirondacks in NY snow every winter. A good set of all seasons with a fairly open tread design on the front ought to be plenty. Putting them on the back only helps in stopping and if you are going to fast to stop in time you are going TOO FAST. I am in Central NY now and although we do not get the volume of snow I grew up with, we get fringe lake effect which has the tendency to ice up the roads in matter of a few minutes. I have a 4×4 but I rarely if ever use fwd. Of course, I am in no hurry and to be honest that is the secret to safe and successful winter driving. No Hurry. Just some thoughts…..

    Liked by 1 person

      Downtown Portland its self is fairly flat as it is right next to the Willamette river. Pretty much anything East or West of that is quite hilly. On the West side of Portland is the Portland Hills, which is a small mountain range. Then there is Mt. Tabor, an actual freaking volcano right in the city limits on the East side of Portland.
      Rocky Butte is exactly what it sounds like and that is right next to the I-205 Freeway in NE Portland and over here in Vancouverstan, the East side where I am at is surrounded by the hills that form the basin the Columbia river flows through.
      This whole area is surrounded by the Foothills for the Cascade Range and I can see Mt. St. Helens from just down the street and Mt. Hood from the top of the hill I have to drive up every day going to work.
      Even where I work is on a hill and it will snow and freeze there long before it does down here where I live.
      The Kid, being 21 years old, doesn’t have near the patience I have gained from years of stupidity behind the wheel but at the same time he is on the other side of the hill and can see the Columbia river and Portland from where he lives so he doesn’t have near the elevation changes I do. I think he will be fine as long as it doesn’t ice up but I’m betting it does. He has to leave at 5 in the morning. If he can get to the highway I think he will be OK. That of course doesn’t stop Mama from worrying herself silly and guess who gets to take the brunt of that?


  2. If you need practice driving in snow and ice, saunter your way up into Alberta. Here in Grande Prairie, the shit hasn’t stopped for days. The only ones here not driving a 4or are taxis and people not from here.


  3. Anti-freee does not “wear out” as far as protecting from freezing temps. What wears out is the rust inhibitors in the fluid. When the rust inhibitors are used up then the long term corrosion problems start. I replace the coolant every three years to keep the corrosion in check. Just saying…


  4. I ask how is the kid gonna learn to drive in da snow and ice iffn’ he don’t drive in the snow and ice? Wifely units some time don’t see the correlations. He’s gotta get a bump or two and some time lost and wet, muddy knees learning to put chains on. 21? About time he learned him some skills. Gotta get the hell off of the damn idiot phone.


  5. Count yourself lucky on the cost of tabs in your vicinity. Michigan changed the law some years back, now you pay for your tabs based on the ORIGINAL NEW VEHICLE sticker price, even if you bought a beater Mercedes for 2000 bucks. Ask me how I know. 120 dollar tabs. And my wife’s bloody 2014 Honda is almost as much cause it cost just a bit less than a 93 Benz in 1993.. F*cing greedy politicians. Our tags used to be 20 to 30 bucks, nomore.


  6. If it ices up, take some time off work and spend some time teaching the kid how to drive on ice. You will lose a little money from missed work. but you might save yourself the expense and hassle of a wreck. I heard something about driving on ice, something along the lines of ‘pretend your mother is sitting in the back seat with a big tray of hot gravy in her lap’. Drive like you don’t want to spill that gravy.


  7. We’re supposed to get the same weather up north of you, driving in the snow bothers me not at all, and the people who don’t have a lot of experience driving in snow don’t bother me, it’s all the assholes who think 4wd is the saving grace for winter.


    • It’s the assholes who seem to think that 4WD allows them to drive like they normally do on dry pavement that scares me.
      I have been passed by morons in Toyota Pick Ups going 65 fucking miles an hour on ice before!


      • Having driven many many miles in difficult snowy conditions, there is nothing more satisfying that being passed by some idiot in their 4×4 something (could be an AWD Audi or whatever) and in a couple of miles drive by where they spun out into the median. What really never ceases to amaze me is that after driving by several of these there always is another moron volunteer in the same kind of car that still again comes flying by 20 MPH faster than the flow of traffic looking to end up in the same place.

        Moral to this story is that snowy and icy conditions at some point dictate a safe MAXIMUM Speed and it does not matter how skilled a driver you are, if you go over this velocity, you cannot overcome the lack of traction with ability and equipment. Nature will outplay you every time.


  8. Screw studded tires and chains. I lived in Denver metro for 10 years, and we drove a little Saturn, and a Ford Probe. I was a field tech and was on the road every single day. I had never driven in snow until I moved to Denver, and never even considered studded tires. Take off slow, keep speed down, increase braking distance. Front wheel drive was all we needed. Denver is no stranger to heavy snowfall either.
    At times, the CDOT would require chains for folks driving I-70 through the Eisenhower tunnels, but mostly for big rigs.
    Save your money. Tell the kid to man up.


  9. $30 tabs, don’t get me started. People vote for it and politicians are trying everything to nullify that vote. Rotten bastards.

    As far as snow goes, I’ve realized that driving in snow in western Washington is worse than those states that get lots of snow all winter. The problem here is, it is usually raining before it starts to snow. Once that freezes over, forget it. I find it easier to drive in Montana than here.


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