Praise Be! The Wifely Unit FINALLY Sees The Light!

Every year at Christmas since we have been together has been a fight over a fucking Christmas tree.

Every year at Christmas it wound up just like this,

xmas tree

The only difference being I didn’t want one at all.

After the first two years of following her and the kid around MULTIPLE tree lots, in the fucking rain, looking at HUNDREDS of trees, only to  wind up back at the very first lot, I had enough.

I told her this is the deal, you go fuck around all you want. When you find the tree you want, pay for the damn thing and then call me.

I’ll come get it and drag it home, through the door and put it in the stand for you.

After that you are on your own.

This has worked well for me.

They are a pain in the ass and make a huge mess, not to mention being a huge fire hazard.

Sure they look nice when they are all done up but what the fuck ever, I am just as happy without the fucking hassle.

So imagine my jaw dropping surprise when I come home from work and see one of these.


Holy shit.

She even broke down and got a new tree topper for it.

It isn’t like we do the whole traditional Christmas morning bullshit around here anyway. We always wind up over at her folks on Christmas Eve and that is where the usual gift wrap slaughter frenzy happens.

Christmas morning around here is usually after Noon and is a very laid back affair.

So, cool. No more fucking around with the Christmas tree insanity.

I like it.

23 thoughts on “Praise Be! The Wifely Unit FINALLY Sees The Light!

          • “Pagan” is believing in the non-approved gods. (Zeus, Thor, Odin, etc.) while “heathen” is not believing in gods at all or not believing in the approved gods in an approved manner.

            I get ’em confused alla time too.


            • Heretic – not believing in the approved god in an approved manner.

              It’s why Christians could shoot other Christians with crossbows after the Church outlawed shooting Christians with crossbows. You just got a ruling from your Cardinal or the Pope that the targets are blasphemous heathens and you get to shoot away to your heart’s content.

              Thus, the Albigensian Crusade. Bunch of trumped up cultists thought they could do it without needing to pay attention to Mother Church. So, even though they worshiped the Trinity, they were heathens. It’s where we get the phrase, “Kill them all, God will know his own” and variations thereof.

              By definition, Protestants are ‘heretics’ to the Catholic Church. And Vice-Versa. Not to mention all the Protestant sects looking at each other as heretics. The Roman Catholic church doesn’t see the Eastern or Greek or other Orthodox churches as heretics, by the way.

              Though forcibly converted Jews who openly professed to be Catholic but in reality were still Jewish in Spain, well, there’s the basis for… The Spanish Inquisition. Bet you didn’t expect that…

              Islamics tend to see other islamics of other sects as heretics, unless some non-islamic group attacks the heretics, therefore making the heretics good islamics until the non-islamics stop fighting. Then it’s back to treating the other-sect islamics as heretics. And we all know what Islam thinks of Heretics, don’t we? This also holds for people who leave islam for another religion. There’s only one solution for that according to true islamics, starts with ‘d’ ends with ‘th’ and has ‘ea’ in the middle.

              Heathens – for Christians, those that haven’t heard God’s word yet, or accepted or rejected God’s word. From Polynesian polytheists to islamics to Zoroastrians to Buddhists and Shintoists, all Heathens. Therefore not a sin to shoot with a crossbow, or whatever else you want to do. Or convert to Christianity. Insert name of other religion and other divine being for other religions and it holds true pretty much across the board.

              Hey, don’t blame me. It’s what it is.

              Heretics – those that sound like you but don’t believe just like you.
              Heathens – those that don’t sound like you and don’t believe you.

              Liked by 1 person

              • Right you are. I view history as attempts by the priest class to return to the power they held in the time of Judges. The people demanded a king and the Judges tried to short-circuit their demands by selecting Saul as “the chosen one”. (Sound familiar?)

                Even at that, Saul did pretty good until he stepped on the priest’s toes by offering a sacrifice himself instead of hiring a professional. (Sound familiar also?)


    • Yep, a lot of Christian traditions have Pagan roots. Early Christians Co-opted Pagan traditions to make their own religion more accessible to the Pagans. In the process we enriched our own traditions. I think it’s kind of cool. Of course Christmas trees aren’t the only thing. A funny one is Groundhog day. Check out the Pagan holiday that just happens to fall on the same day. Or is it the other way around?


  1. I don’t mind an artificial tree. Just not a live one.

    One year I disassembled the live (dead) one after Christmas using pruning shears. Wife didn’t like it, but kinda got the idea.

    Now we have the artificial tree that we got for the house, modified for the apartment. I only put up the top half, and only one half of that, so the tree sits flush against the wall. Looks nice, doesn’t take up much room, life is good.


  2. We have a 9-foot bag we pull over the tree (from the bottom up) and just stack it in the basement. 11 months later, it’s ready to go after unwrapping! And, LED lights don’t break!!!
    Yes, it’s artificial. Why would you ask??


  3. I go and get the tree. I find one that has been passed over. Ragged and forgotten. That’s the one
    that goes home with me. My family gets it. All of the trees need a home.


  4. On most things, I’m a traditionalist. Not this one.
    The pine smell is nice, but can be bottled.
    Not having a giant fire hazard in the house is better.

    I may get a live tree some day, but if so, it will be because I put in a bay window bump out, or a tall patio window, with the live tree being live 24/7/365, growing inside/outside in a 4′ x4′ concrete planter, and just decorated 1 month a year. I’ll be the only one on the block with a 20′ tree, eventually.

    Otherwise, the artificials are the way to go, having improved in quality to the point that no one cares, and few notice.


  5. What ever floats your boat have at it, and whatever floats mine stay the fuck out of it.
    Merry Christmas, and Happy New years to All.


  6. When the wife and I were first married back in ’03, we went the traditional tree route…paid $100 for a tree from a huge tent. Got it home, and realized we had no stand…off to another store to buy a $50 stand. Got it decorated after spending another $50 on decorations. Came home from work the next day, and the tree had fallen over. WTF? So, I righted it, and it promptly fell over again. We rearranged the decos, thinking it had been overdecorated on one side. It fell over again the next day. We weren’t sure if it was one or more of the three cats, but we turned it so it would fall against the wall. Down again the following day, where it stayed for the remainder of the season, until I had to drag that sombitch out myself and dump it on a canal bank out in the boonies. After that, I resurrected an artificial tree my folks bought in ’69 for $100. We used that until we moved to the ranch. We sold it at the estate sale. We no longer put up a tree. I do not miss it, and I am content not to deal with it any more.


  7. “I couldn’t imagine Christmas without a nice Christmas Tree. No Sir.” – ‘Notwende’ 12/17/2019

    I agree.

    Christmas trees can be for anyone, but, certainly for couples, families, and, especially those with children. When I was young, we put up an ‘artificial’ tree, because of the fire fright caused by the media (seen now as just a way to boost sales of man-made trees). We had a big-enough home, so it was 8ft tall by 4ft wide, with ornaments, lights, and such. Up from December 01 to January 15.

    Now, with parents and everyone else gone, it’s only me and the wifely unit. Christmas isn’t big for her, and I’m not gonna spend a lot of time to buy or put-up a monster. We have a symbolic one: artificial, 2ft tall, with built-in fiber-optic lights. For a week or two. Just in case Santa really does visit …

    In the movie, “Red” (2010), Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) is taking out the garbage, and sees every neighbor on his street has gone big on Christmas ornaments, while his house is barren. Then, he gets his a$$ in the game. I ain’t ever gonna get curmudgeonly like him. But, I’m not gonna put in the work to be in the running for any holiday decoration award, either.

    Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to you, Phil, and all here – especially those who bust their knuckles. And, may God Bless America, and each and every one of us. We’re gonna need it.


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