The Gods Of Internal Combustion Are On A Tear This Week

Thank God at least it’s not one of mine this time.

Of course that doesn’t mean I’m not eyeball deep in it though.

First it was the Bronco, then The Wifely Unit’s hoopty, now The Kid’s little rig shit the bed.

At the usual worst time possible.

He has a job stocking Pepsi products in all the major stores in the area and he has to leave for work at like 4 in the morning.

It was a cold and windy bitch around here last night, we had snow flurries and wind gusts up to about forty miles an hour at least. It was blowing hard enough that when I went out to have a smoke last night, it sounded like a jet engine howling as the wind roared over the mountains to the East.

He got out to his rig to take off and got the oh so familiar Click Click Click sound we are all know and dread.

He called his boss, who didn’t give a flying fuck nor offered any help in any way and had to walk four miles to the store he was to stock.

Because he is of that Millenial Generation, he did so wearing shorts, in 24 degree weather.

When he got done with that store, instead of calling us and letting us know what the deal was, he walked another four miles to another store and stocked that one.

Then he called us.


We are only ten minutes away.

So I had to go pick him up and take him home, where I tried to jump start his 2016 Hyundai.

No love. I can hear the starter engaging and trying to turn the engine over but it ain’t happening. Of course he is parked on the side of a fairly busy street with other cars in front and behind, on a slight hill. While I was screwing around with the maddening process of calling for a tow that turned into a texting nightmare, the one behind him pulled out and left so I had him coast it back away from the one in front of him, trying to get it easier to hook up to.

More texting bullshit, you can’t just call and talk to someone, that would be too easy.

Then in the middle of all of that, I am trying to Google the nearest repair shop to get an address to tow it to.

Fucking PITA and on top of all of that shit, the wife is texting me with her advice so I am trying to juggle five fucking things at once on my phone.

Unsurprising to no one and because I obviously wasn’t having quite enough fun yet, somehow in the middle of all of this activity I managed to get disconnected from the insurance text stream asking me a shit ton of questions and when I got back to that screen all I see is a 404 message.

Fuck me running, I had to start that shit all over again.

Then, even though The Kid is on our insurance, he must have his own policy because when I punched in my policy number, it didn’t like that.

I yell at him to get his insurance card, punch in that policy number and move on to the next question. In the mean time while I have my head down concentrating on my phone, more cars come and go and his car is trapped again. Thankfully he was smart enough to ask the one behind him to move before they got out and left so I had him push it back even farther into a No Parking zone so the stupid motherfuckers he has for neighbors can’t trap him in again.

I finally got all of the shit finished on my phone except for the Wifely Unit who I had put on ignore so I could concentrate.

I informed her of what was going on, had The Kid make sure the key was in the dead fucker and left so I could come home and eat.

It was ready as I was leaving of course.

Six blocks from the house the phone starts going off so I had to pull over and talk to the Tow Company, got them handled and drove home the rest of the way. Then I tried to call the repair shop I had it towed to and leave a message as this is Sunday and they ain’t open.

Yeah right, their answering  mailbox is full.


I told The Kid to call them in the morning, tell them that it wouldn’t turn over then shut his mouth. I ain’t sure if it’s the starter or the battery so let them diagnose it. Don’t even mention anything about a starter because if it’s just a battery issue they will try to bend you over for both since you are already mentally prepared for it.

All in all a Giant Pain In The Fucking Ass to deal with, as usual.

After this, on top of all of the other bullshit I have had to deal with vehicle wise this past week, the Gods of Internal Combustion can go fuck themselves silly as far as I am concerned.

Get the fuck off my back ya sonsabitches.

10 thoughts on “The Gods Of Internal Combustion Are On A Tear This Week

  1. If my experience is any kind of guide, I figure you have 3 of these to endure.

    Hopefully the kid’s car is the third for you. I do not recall how old your son is but I have had mine do similar things that just made no sense in the long run. They learn, at their own pace.


  2. I feel for you… My lovely wife back in 2008 saw and test drove a Hyundai Tucson when I wasn’t around. When I learned of this, I tried my best to talk her out of buying it. Of course, I failed and until March 2018 when we got rid of it, that SUV was the bain of my existence. Trying to get warranty work done was about as painless as getting teeth pulled with no painkiller. Hyundai is one of the two brands (the other being Ford) that I will never, ever, consider buying again because of the treatment I received.


  3. In my sad, bitter experience with dealing with cars…

    If the battery is toasted, it will happen at the worst time, like right before a long trip, a job interview, or during crappy horrible weather. Of course, one time it happened right before a long trip for a job interview and it was 36 and raining sideways.

    If the alternator is toasted, just might as well replace the battery while you’re at it. Because if the alternator craps, all the crap lands on the battery. Again, during the worst time, like right before…

    Starters just plain suck. It used to be easy to replace the starter solenoid, because it was located on the starter and in an accessible location. Nowadays, who the fuck knows because they’ll be located somewhere completely stupid like inside the steering column or remotely located in a secure bunker in North Dakota and sends starting rays by mental telepathy to the flywheel… Usually during bad weather right before…

    I had a Chrysler Imperial (Hwack-Ptooie) where the starter was bad, the battery was bad and the alternator was bad. Removing each one of them and taking them to AutoZone/AutoParts place, and their test units showed each was okay. Only when I took the alternator and the starter and the battery to one of those little hole-in-the-wall dedicated shops that is painted some atrocious color and the name painted on the side of the building. Starter would only fail when trying to move a flywheel, Alternator would only fail when connected to the battery. Battery was just in ‘kill it’ mode.

    Your issues aren’t anywhere equal to that Imperial piece of crap. Wiring was rotting out and shorting so I couldn’t use headlights without smoke coming out of the dash, and the headlight module was not only not available, but downright impossible to find used or new.

    Was glad to see that Chrysler pos go away.


  4. I’d like to recommend high quality jumper cables. Used to fail with the cheap $20-30 ones. Tractor crew was out one day with heavy duty $120 ones. Got my own, have not been let down since.


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