I Just Can’t Seem To Be Able To Get With The Program Lately

I have a ton of things I’d like to do but this whole weekend has been shot clear to shit.

Friday The Wifely Unit was supposed to go Christmas shopping for The Boy. (he’s 35 but autistic)

So I was going to sit around and watch him while she went to get his Christmas present. Well, that plan changed of course and she decided to go get her nails done instead. I can’t wrap my head around these wimmins and their obsession over fucking fingernails.

Fine I says. What The Fuck, Ever.

The my Aunt came into town from Reno and wanted to come visit. Way cool, she is  kick in the pants!

When she called she made it sound like her and my other Aunt who lives here locally were going to be here in short order. They showed up two hours later, we had a nice visit and they left a bit after it got dark. The Wifely Unit still managed to miss them.

By then it was about dinner time so my whole day was shot and I got zippola done.

Shortly after dinner I sat here and fell asleep. I woke up later and then that fucked me all up so I wound up staying awake until six fucking thirty in the morning.

So Saturday I naturally woke up a bit after Noon.

Just in time to slam a half a cup of lukewarm coffee and jump in the shower so we could drive over to Washougal to a pizza parlor for a birthday party for my Great Niece who just turned seven. It’s only a twenty minute drive.

Yay.

We pile into her little Hooptie, which I fucking hate, and off we go.

We get there, I go to climb out of the sonofabitch and I feel a little twinge in my lower back.  I  hobble around the front of the damned car and step up onto the curb and that was it.

back

My lower back locked up and I have been crippled ever since.

I fucking hate it when it does that.

So I sat there in that pizza parlor for four hours, with a bunch of little kids wound up tight on intense sugar highs and listening to the ear piercing screams at octaves and volume levels that are only achievable by seven year old girls.

It was pure bliss if you catch my drift.

I still have fingernail marks in the palms of my hands from squeezing my fists together so tight.

I finally ordered two large pizzas to go, snagged those up and we came home. I put my damn feet up in this recliner and have been quietly trying to assimilate into the thing and become one with it ever since. The Wifely Unit went and watched the football game this morning, showed back up, dropped The Boy off then turned around to go do that Christmas shopping she was supposed to do Friday.

At least I have the pizza here.

I have been dealing with having a fucked up back for forty motherfucking years now.

This shit happens every once in a while and it’s usually something stupid like sitting in a POS car for too long, bending over to pick something up or sleeping wrong that gets me.

It is what it is, I ain’t looking for medical advice, I have heard it all, thousands of times.

I’m just going to sit here and vegetate, keep my damn feet up as much as possible and go back to work tomorrow. I will be informing them of my condition and explaining to them that they shouldn’t be expecting too much out of me until it lets up.Which it will, eventually.

One of these days though, it is going to be the reason I retire.

Whether I want to or not.

In the mean time I aim to go until I can’t go no more.

I can’t afford not to.

19 thoughts on “I Just Can’t Seem To Be Able To Get With The Program Lately

  1. I have the same back issues I use a inversion table most of the time it helps unless it’s really bad then it’s a trip to the chiropractor. Hope ya get to feeling better.

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  2. Hey, I hear ya……this weekend was a blur……had great intentions then poof! Oh well, I can do those Christmas projects this week.
    Regarding the back…..I’ve suffered for years.The only thing that works for me is the chiropractor….lazing around in the recliner is ok for a couple of days,take Ibuprofen, it’s great for helping to take down the swelling. If you are still in the recliner after a couple of days;you aren’t helping yourself. Movement and chiropractor is the best.

    Steve

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  3. Here’s the answer…lie on your back on the floor or your bed and bring your knees to your chest and hug them, then release and do it again ten times, THEN, get on your hands and knees and sit on your heels while sliding your hands on the floor/bed as far as they can go.
    Keep your hands where they are and bring your butt/hips forward and drop them to the floor.
    Go slowly on this one. Again, only ten times. Trust me, it works. Do as often during the day as you remember. My husband and I love your blog! Merry Christmas.

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    • Knees and hips here too… except my hips were fractured in a truck accident, knees just old age, kneeling on the job. Arthritis is a bitch that knows no mercy! Now my legs, fucking venous problems. Sound like I am an old hen cackling about my infirmities.

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  4. Did you know that most back traumas are caused by weak stomach muscles? Your back muscles may be strong, but they must be balanced with the muscles in the front. You move the wrong way, and the muscles in the front are not strong enough to catch you to wrap up the “tube”. It’s especially bad for us tall guys.

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  5. I know the feeling Phil. When I was young, dumb and full of cum, I said fork-
    lift, I don’t need no stinking forklift! My disability is heart-related, but the aches
    and pains are all over my body. When bending down or wiping your ass
    involves pain, you know things are getting bad. Working 80 to 90+ hour
    work weeks did not help either.

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  6. Went outside Sat. to blow the leaves of the driveway, pulled the cord one time & dislocated my shoulder. Dr. couldn’t get it back in with me awake, knocked me out & got it back in but now it won’t work at all. MRI says fractured beyond repair so looks like surgery. Got shot in that shoulder 40 yrs ago & it looks like the whole thing needs to be replaced. Had spinal fusion surgery 15 yrs ago, one of the screws has become loose .
    Yep more surgery. Gotta get the shoulder worked on but will put off the back surgery .
    The new year is going to be a fucking waste.

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  7. I hear ya Phil ! … I spent over three years thinkin’ my right hip was screwed , but after wasting all that time with doctors and ‘ specialists ‘ , I finally had an MRI and it clearly showed the problem was in the bottom 5 vertebrae of my spine … The discs were all mushed and , after doctors prescribing me muscle relaxants …Blood thinners … Pain killers … I finally talked them into just slicing me open and fixin’ the damn problem !!! …

    That was about 7 years ago now … Unfortunately , although I was supposed to do exercises and stay of stairs and not lift anything over 5 pounds … Necessity had me back to work inside a week and a half ! … I’m in the steel fabrication trade … There’s no ‘ light duty ‘ !!! …

    Needless to say , I don’t have many ‘ good days ‘ with 4 stainless steel pins , 6 sets of screws , 5 synthetic replacement discs at the base of my spine while attempting to pay the bills doing the job that ruined my spine in the first place !!! …

    Basically 2 or 3 percs and a dozen beer … Then go to bed early !!! …

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    • You know all too well what I’m talking about then.
      You sound like me, 3 days after a 5 hour major surgery to take one and a half discs out at the bottom and then taking a hunk out of my pelvis, breaking it into little pieces and stacking them on either side of the bottom vertebra to knit together, I got fitted with a custom leather and aluminum back brace. As soon as everyone left, I got up, went out a side door and down a side elevator, walked up a steep ass hill for two blocks in downtown San Francisco and found a Safeway store open. I got a box of Hostess Ho Ho’s two large cans of pre mixed Screwdrivers and two packs of cigarettes out of a machine. I couldn’t bend over to get the fucking cigarettes and had to hold onto the machine and slide down to one knee to get them out.
      I went out, lit a smoke, had a drink and wobbled back down the hill to the hospital.
      I fucked up and went in the front door, up the elevator and had to walk by the nurses desk to get back to the room.
      They freaked the fuck out when they saw me! The doctor was impressed though, he said most people laid around moaning in pain for the first month after a surgery like that. I was up and out the door in 3 days.
      They didn’t have artificial disks back in ’85, I was supposed to lay around for TWO YEARS while all those bone fragments healed together and fused everything. I was 25 years old and full of piss and vinegar. that didn’t happen. If you look at an X-ray of my lower back from the back side, it looks like I have a golf ball on top of my pelvis on both sides right next to the bottom vertebra.
      Of course it didn’t heal right and I have suffered with it ever since.
      The old saying, I feel your pain couldn’t be more true man.It’s a miserable sonofabitch, kind like a toothache in your lower back.
      The pinched nerves are a real bitch.

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