Shit That Pisses Me Off

I know some people think it’s irrational and kind of petty but I can remember cleaning this cheap POS up and sharpening it last Winter before putting it out in the shed.

I just found it out in the back yard, where according to the Wifely Unit, it has been laying for months.

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Granted, it is exactly what I just said, a cheap Chinesium piece of shit but dammit it just irritates the living shit out of me to see lazy motherfuckers go grab somebody else’s tools and then just throw them down when they are done using them.

The part that really pisses me off is that I found it less than ten feet away from the damn garden shed where I put it after I cleaned and sharpened it.

Really?

You are so fucking lazy you can’t walk ten feet to put something away?

Of course Wifey thinks I am an asshole for bitching about it and I am over reacting.

She ain’t the one that did it either. I have a really good idea who did though.

The problem here is that this is just one incident in a long list of such incidents.

Just like the rakes, the shovels, the wheel barrow and every other motherfucking  piece of yard equipment around here.

The worst one is the damn long handled loppers.

I have literally lost count of the times she has asked me where they are.

How the fuck would I know?

How about the fucking garden shed where they belong?

Have ya looked in there?

No?

Because you know they never got put back the last time they got used?

She gets pissed off at me every time I use them because I am a ruthless motherfucker when it comes to trimming shrubs and bushes.

Ruthless.

When I cut shit back, I don’t fuck around.

Hence she pretty much tells me to keep my fucking hands off of them.

I remember cleaning and sharpening those fuckers the same day I did that little mattock as a matter of fact.

I find them laying in the yard, sometimes in the garage, sometimes laying on the patio table.

One never knows but I’m the asshole when I bitch about it.

This is why I get pissed off when people borrow my tools and don’t put them back. For one thing, at my age, I have enough trouble remembering shit.

If someone grabs one of my tools and doesn’t put it back, I start wondering if I have finally lost my fucking mind when I can’t find it because even though I might use something and not put it away immediately, I can usually remember where I put it.

That and because it’s MINE.

Ask me before you borrow any of my tools.

It’s called Courtesy and maybe you should look that up to refresh your damn memory.

When I finally do find it and it’s laying  out in the fucking dirt, covered with rust, I tend to get a bit pissy about it.

And before anyone starts thinking ‘Wow, this guy is an anally retentive jerk about his tools”, let me say that it’s not the case and you have missed the point completely.

It’s what we used to call COMMON FUCKING SENSE.

Even though basically all you can buy now is cheap Chinesium crap when it comes to garden tools, unless you want to pay Stupid Money for stuff like RIGID tools, they still cost SOME money. Anymore, even paying top dollar for brand name stuff is no guarantee the shit wasn’t slapped together and shipped out of China.

I don’t know about anyone else but I can’t see any sense in having to buy new rakes, shovels, loppers and shit like that EVERY FUCKING YEAR  because the people around you are either,

A. Too lazy to put shit away.

B. Too stupid to put stuff away

C. Both.

I mean I even go so far as to apply oil to all of the wooden handles on all of that shit around here and after finding out they want twenty dollars for a motherfucking hammer handle the other day, I can feel absolutely justified in being disgusted with lazy sonsabitches that can’t be bothered to walk ten God Damned feet to put something back in out of the weather when they are done using it.

So now this little rant is over but I’m here to tell ya,  you can absolutely count on me being an absolute bastard when it comes to this kind of shit, forever.

31 thoughts on “Shit That Pisses Me Off

  1. That’s like the ass holes who borrow a wrench, then bring it back covered in grease! Or, like in your case, covered in grease & left on the shop floor.

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  2. Preaching to the choir, buddy. People just gave up asking to borrow my shit, because I resorted to asking for a deposit. The last straw was the neighbor boys who borrowed my creeper and brought it back with several coats of oil and a liberal bucket of grease all over it. And not even a “thanks, mister!” out of it. Just fuquem.

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  3. Lock the toolbox, inside the locked shed and master this phrase “Fuck no you can’t borrow my tools”. You’re welcome. 🙂 Moms husband has a bad case of drop it where you finish using it and it motherfuckinINFURIATES me to #1 have to search for my tools when I need them and B. repair or clean them due to someone else’s negligence.

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  4. Wow! You sound like me and my Dad both! Phil, you’re just gonna have to suck it up and admit that Life’s a Bitch, and then you die! One of my helo pilots had a T shirt that said that. That didn’t make me happy, yet here I still am.

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  5. My step-son couldn’t understand when I cut him off from my tools…after the 4th time of leaving shit everywhere. The whole shop was on lockdown. I remember a sticker on a co-workers toolbox, I’m sure most have seen it. Goes something like: There are a few things that we hold dear in this life, the tools of our trade and the dear little wife. So don’t ask to borrow my tools and I won’t ask to borrow your wife.

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  6. Same here bro, I do not loan my tools and my truck, or trailers. Do not even ask to watch one of my DVD movies, got tired of them coming back scratched and missing covers and sticky. If I have to borrow something I go buy it or rent it. MF’s can’t seem to get it in their heads to take care of someone else’s property. I caught my ex wife using a large flat screwdriver as a pry bar… I took it away and got a large pry bar for me to use on her project. Next day we went to Sears and I bought her a good beginner’s tool box and tools and told her to never use mine again.

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  7. You have nailed it. The hundredth and one times someone mashed my “bitch button” down and then stomped on that puppy by taking tools and scattering them to the four winds I made a decision. I labeled a drawer in my tool chest as “Dad’s Tools” filled with really good tools and some that I had inherited from my Dad. I also painted a warning “DO NOT TOUCH” on the front of the drawer. I sat the family members down and gave them the Dad speech to let them know that everything in that drawer was off limits to them. I have plenty of copies (cheap chinesium tools) that they are welcome to play with…But they can NOT touch the Dad drawer. So far it has worked, although I keep hearing the complaint “where is **** tool?”, and “I can’t find the ***”. For which I smile and say, “How bout you look where ever you left it?”.

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  8. My dad used to rail on me for that. It fit, I wore it, I learned. Now, it’s my turn. Yeah, even old junk is hard to replace.

    I’m bad about putting tools in a box for specific projects, then forgetting where I put them when it comes time to do it. My “shop” is so small, I can hardly turn around in it.

    Just had an idea that will work. Thanks for this post!!!

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  9. I use to accuse my wife of moving my tools when I couldn’t find them. She passed away 19 years ago and there’s no one else here but me and my tools seem to still be moving from where I remember putting them. I think it was me and my memory all along. I know I have at least 4 of every size spark plug socket ever made and I can find every size when I look except the size I need. Now I have a plan. I’ll look for a tool I need for an hour and if I can’t find it I’ll go buy another one. I figure the more I have on hand the better my chances are of finding one of them when I need it.

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  10. I sooo wish we were neighbors, we could really rail at the world as we fix, build, break-down and otherwise make shit happen. The rule is, was, and always shall be…ASK to use my shit, and when your done with it, clean it and put it back WHERE YOU FOUND IT! If you break it you bought it. Borrow another mans lawn mower and you fuck it up…you buy the man another as good or better.. for his troubles. If that seems unfair, BUY YOUR OWN SHIT!

    Love the blog bud, LOVE IT!

    I hate people too!

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  11. What pisses me off just as much is Obama’s relatives too effin lazy to move their empty shopping carts to cart corrals after loading their trunks with FREE FOOD. It’s usually dumb as a stump, zero motivation, 5th generation, niglish speaking, morbidly obese fat slobs no one would hire. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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    • Or leave it in the middle of a handicapped parking spot.

      If I can drag my crippled ass over to the cart corral and back, they can too. And judgeroybean, what part of Memphis are you living in?

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  12. Life’s too short to stay pissed. Master padlock. Latch. Done and the pleasure of saying “Nope” when asked for the keys. Yeah, I’m the bastard. Don’t even care cause my junk don’t work anymore, and I can cook my own supper. Yeah I am that old.

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      • Crazyeight, when I still could or wanted to reproduce, people still didn’t have influence over me, I was a bastard curmudgeon when I was 16… people piss me off. I stay away form crowds and assholes. Parents took the family to disneyland in 1970 when I was 12 and I wanted out of there in the worst way, I wanted to wait in the car where I had a book, I wold have been happier.

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      • Naw, I did not want to “reproduce”, I just wanted to get laid. Kids cost money. She tried like hell for 5 years to have kids. I kinda forgot to tell her I got snipped. Just slipped my mind I guess…that bastard thing again.

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  13. The first job I had at 15 was fixing lawn mowers. I plopped my ass down in the middle of the floor, and began disassembling a mower. I had parts, tools, and bolts scattered all around me when the boss caught me. I got an ass-chewin’ that lasted 5 minutes. I never forgot it to this day. I never again left shit lyin’ around, and tools on the floor. That was 1971.
    If I hadn’t changed my ways then, I am certain I woulda been canned.

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  14. Put me a padlock on the shed door, and my old Craftsman toolbox still locks, anybody needs anything outta there, they gotta ask, when they come in I always ask.”Did ya put it back where ya found it and lock the shed?”
    That’s worked gangbusters for several years now. The Missus got pissed enuff to go buy her own self some tools a while back and promptly either lost or ruined ’em. I never said a word (giggled my ass off when she weren’t lookin’ tho) about it, and still ask the same questions when she uses mine.
    The tools in my toolbox tho, nope, those only fit MY hand, she’s got some of her own and has (so far) learned to put ’em back, tho she doesn’t clean hers very well. She always wants to use the air tools too… heh

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  15. I get it! Don’t EVER use my fabric scissors for anything but fabric. Don’t use my hair cutting scissors for anything but hair. Don’t use my paper scissors for anything but paper. Don’t use my bone shears for anything but dead chickens. But, no one ever asks to borrow my stuff because no one wants to sew, cut hair, cut paper and cut up dead chickens but me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You see, I get that.
      Even though the Wifely Unit doesn’t do any of those things, I still went and got my own scissors. I have several different pairs. She has hers in the kitchen, in the knife holder thingy and I leave them alone.
      My Grandmother used to do all of those things and I learned as a small child that you do not EVER, use her good scissors, for ANY REASON.
      You have my utmost admiration for keeping those traditions alive and that skill set as sharp as your scissors. Those skills are hard to find in this day and age.

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      • I too have my own. Gotta set’a shears different sizes in my toolbox that I picked up at a yard sale. Don’t know who made ’em, but there’s several sizes and they’ll cut everything from paper to 16 gauge steel. My ma would come unglued if she caught ya with any’a hers so I know ya gotta respect a woman’s scissors.

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  16. Have 4 tool boxes and daughter, I decided it was time for her (at 9 yo) to learn how to fix stuff (she’s a degreed engineer now). Took her and all her Christmas money and we went to Sears and she bought her own tools. Sockets, wrenches, hammers, pliers, screw drivers, even made her buy a torque wrench. (only 9 yo with a torque wrench, 3/8 drive). I bought her a roller cabinet that was in the scratch and dent pile. She spent $500 on “HER” tools. When she finally settles down after Law School (IP attorney) the first thing I’m supposed to do is send her “HER” tools. As an added bonus beside basic wrenching she can run machine tools. Gotta teach’em right.

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      • I have a sign above my tool boxes that says “The neighbor two doors down has better tools and has lousy aim,” I’m usually asked about that last part. I let em know that you ain’t borrowing you’re stealing and to not try to run as you’ll just die tired.

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  17. Like you I to am and old mechanic and if you borrow my tools bring it back when your done. If I have to go and get back you will never touch my tools again, In shops I have worked it was standard practice that if you borrowed it more than twice you need to buy that tool. I used to bring my girls to the shop on weekends and teach them some things, they knew that you put my tools back in there proper draw cleaned do not put greasy tools in my tool box. My SIL will not get my tools I told my oldest daughter because the tools he has do not get back in his box he has too look for them in the dirt floor in his little shop, she said I get it. Like you after over 25 years working on cars I have well over 80 grand in tools to much time and money to let somebody to fuck them up.

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  18. Pingback: Eat Shit Wilco | Bustednuckles

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