It Never, EVER, Fails

I woke up a little early yesterday, nuked a cup of coffee and gargled it down then headed off to the local Lowes to see about getting a new foam air filter insert for the tractor engine.

They have quite the selection of small engine maintenance stuff, including about twelve different kinds of air filters.

Do you think for one second they had the one I was looking for?

Oh hell no.

I also wanted to pick up a small jar of Spackle, a new 6 inch putty knife and some sandpaper.

If you are a guy, like me, you would think all of those items would be in locations relatively close to each other. Not there. Not even close.

Depending on if you just want a freakin’ putty knife or a Sheet rock taping knife, you go to two different aisles.

Spackle? Aisle  7. Sandpaper, Aisle 9.

Regular old putty knife?

Aisle 12.

Sheet rock taping putty knife, the end of aisle 18.

Ya wander all over the entire freakin’ store to grab four items to patch a small hole in some sheet rock. You know they do this on purpose too.

So I grabbed some plastic housing “Updated Replacement” air filter assembly and after asking three different sales associates where all this shit was, got my crap and came home.

The filter don’t fit.

What a surprise.

I dicked around with the engine trying to get it to fire and couldn’t get a spark.

I had put just enough gas in the tank to make sure it covered the uptake tube and hand choked it a bit too. I figure the plug is good and fouled now too.

So that part above about it never fails?

If you are a regular reader you may recall that for the last two weekends I finally had a belly full of that garage being such a disaster area and went through a bunch of crap and wound up hauling two full loads of shit to the dump.

When I do finally get to that point I tend to get a bit vicious and start really throwing shit out.

Can you guess where I am going yet?

Two of the items that I specifically remember throwing out and gritting my teeth while doing so were a brand fucking new foam air filter for a Briggs and Stratton engine and a brand fucking new spark plug, never used, still in the head, for the same.

It never fucking fails man.


16 thoughts on “It Never, EVER, Fails

  1. I’ve pretty much given up on storing extra parts for just that reason. When you need it you can’t find it and when you don’t need it, the damn things are in your face. Just karma messing with you.


  2. I stuck some pegboard up in the shop for just this reason. If i have a small part, I’ll store it there. If I can see it, I have it.


  3. A couple of years ago I was replacing some of my wood privacy fence. I went to Lowe’s for some 4 x4 posts, some 2 x 4’s for the frame work and some fence boards. The fence boards were in farm and garden section which is on the far left end of the building and the posts and 2 x 4’s were in the lumber dept. on the far right of the building. When I got home I called the store manager and asked him what idiot thought putting these items at opposite ends of the store was a good idea. I told him I didn’t come to Lowe’s for hiking exercise or site seeing but because I needed materials for a project. Guess what. I went back for some more and they had everything for building a privacy fence all in one area of the garden center.


  4. It could have been worse Phil, the old Bronc could have died on the way to (fucking) Lowes… I don’t shop there any more. cause they won’t let me in with my dog where Homo Depot and Menards will…


  5. Get the model and type from the starter housing. Google or search for Briggs and Stratton parts…find the part number and get it from Ebay…it will be cheaper than a local lawn mower shop. You will probably need a new diaphram for the carb as well. Check your high speed mixture screw (be sure to screw it down and count the turns, before removing it. Most are 1 to 1 1/2 turns out after being seated. There is probably a removable seat than can be taken out with a flat blade scrooge. The needle itself may require a 7/16 wrench to remove the needle ass’y. change your oil if you haven’t done so with plain 30W. Pull it through to check compression. Could have a stuck valve after sitting all that time…that’s not a problem either. Remove the head and pound it back down with some oil on the valve stem.
    Briggs are very forgiving.


  6. My tiller wouldn’t start this year – Briggs & Stratton engine. I replaced the plug and air filter, but nothing.

    Blew in the fuel hose it was blocked. Pulled the carb off and found the needle valve to float in the bowl was stuck shut. A few squirts with carb cleaner, and ran a pipe cleaner through the ports then put it all back together and it started on the first pull.


  7. Kinda what everyone else got into, but go ahead and just get a rebuild kit for the carb. You’ll end up doing it anyways and starting out fresh will at least give you the opportunity to screw it up correctly.

    Might as well replace all the fuel lines and clean out the gas tank at the same time.

    Go ahead and pull the head off and do a new head gasket if the motor has one.

    Hell, just strip it all down, clean it all up, replace all the gaskets, and give it a nice paint job after de-rusting everything (either in an electrolysis bath or other method.) You know you want to. You know you need to. You know you’ll have to to make the bugger run correctly…

    Liked by 1 person

      • One of the machine rebuilding sites i read ( someone questioned him as to why he painted all his rebuilds, like a good paint job would make the machine work better.

        His response was basically ‘duh’ and asked the commenter if he’d been reading his blog for long.

        The guy (Doc) does a complete teardown, blasts everything he can with a hot water pressure washer or lots of TLC soaked in degreaser or gasoline, and is meticulous in stripping down to either clean filler or base metal, and then building up from there. Primer, 1 to 2 coats of a heavy industrial paint, and, afterwards, yes, the machine does seem to move faster, stronger, better. 🙂


  8. Well hell, if you are gonna do all that, might as well strip it down, sand it out, paint it, get everything working, sharpen the sickle, then call me up and I’ll come by and get that shit out of you way, so you have more garage space.


  9. Beans, if I could give you free internet for a week, I would do it, that was fucking hilarious.
    I tip my hat to you, Sir.


    • Thank you. Smart ass is a way of life.

      And, after reading his previous tool-rebuild posts, we all know that that’s what he’s going to decide to do, after much grumbling and bitching.


  10. I’m sick of the big box hardware stores. Some guy and his family re-opened a small hardware store here in town. It’s awesome and they even sell lumber and while their prices might be a little higher I don’t have to drive miles just for that one odd item I need right now. Besides, their friendly customer service makes up for anything else.

    Liked by 1 person

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