Ya Gotta Love Blondes

As per my last post, I am out in The Temple Of Tools fartin’ around with my little project. Since I had to cut some steel for it and actually already had, I thought I would do something completely out of character and affix some brackets to the legs of that damn band saw so the fucker can’t tip over on me, again.

Because, you know, I never got around to doing when I actually should have.

Not the brightest crayon in the box sometimes so I told myself,  hey, you better like, do this, OK?

I whacked some angle iron,  drilled some holes, set it on the back of the vise and whacked them a few times to spread the angle out a bit to match the angle of the legs. Found some bolts and shit and was down on my hands and knees tightening them up when I heard the garage door to the house open up.


I turned around and here is my little five foot nothing blonde sister in law standing there with a fucking boot in her hand .

I have known this woman for over 35 years, OK?

She looks at me, standing in the middle of that disaster of a garage, tools fucking EVERYWHERE, with two wrenches in my hands, and asks me if I have a hammer……


Shake my fucking head.

All I could think to say was, how big?

There must be fifteen fucking hammers out there, from little baby ball peens to something is going to give, BFH’s.

Do I have a hammer.




9 thoughts on “Ya Gotta Love Blondes

    • Medium Ball Peen, twelve ounce.
      She was wanting to soften up a seam on the tongue of the boot that was bugging her. Set it on the flat part of the vise and gently whacked the seam to soften it.
      I told her to put some Mink Oil on the damn thing to soften it up but what do I know?


    • Fifteen hammers? Shocking.

      Common sense dictates that no one needs more than one hammer. Okay, maybe two if you are ambidextrous and particularly coordinated. And civilians shouldn’t be using hammers anyway; they should be left to trained professionals such as carpenters. Statistics prove that if you are so foolish as to own a hammer, you’re more likely to injure yourself or a loved one with it than to do any actual work.

      I support common-sense hammer laws. Requiring a complete psychiatric examination, and a letter of support from the local Chief of Police before purchasing a hammer is just being smart and sensible. And a 5-day waiting period, because you wouldn’t want someone impulsively buying a hammer and misusing it.

      Oh, and no one should be allowed to buy more than 10 nails at a time.


  1. My wife asked me for a hammer once, and when I instinctively replied “What kind?”, she gave me the must flummoxed look I’ve ever seen.

    After she recovered, I took her out to the garage and open the “Banging and Bashing” drawer in roll around #2, and said “See?”.

    She now has her own hammer.


    • I will not loan my tools out and when I got married the second time the wife asked to borrow a screwdriver and I asked her for what, to pry a stuck drawer. I told her there are pry bars for that job. Needless to say I pried out he drawer, took it out to the garage and fixed the slider that was jammed. Next day I took her to Sears and bought her a good beginners tool box and a wide assortment of tools and told her to never ever touch my tools.I am an asshole that way.


    • On a whim I went downstairs and started counting hammers, then I realized I’d have to go out to the sheds and count those hammers, and then add in the hammers in the garage.
      As it’s 0645 Philly time, and raining, I simply decided that I had neither too many hammers, nor too few hammers. Each has a specific purpose and there isn’t much duplication.

      Does a maul count as a hammer? 🙂


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