Every. Fucking. Time, Without. Fail.

So I have this little project I have been building up to getting started on and finally went out into Phil’s Temple of Tools* to get started on it.

As usual, it immediately turned into a giant clusterfuck.

This has been the story of my life, literally, as long as I can remember.

( Which these days might be as far back as last Tuesday)

I’m going to keep quiet about what the project is because I can guarantee it is going to get fucked up somehow and I want to wait for that to happen so I can entertain you some more with that inevitable tale.

It’s nothing earth shattering anyway, just something I have been wanting to do for a while now.

I bought the steel for it mostly pre-cut a couple of weeks ago while I still had some extra cash and set it aside for whenever I found some free time and it wasn’t colder than a wet well digger’s ass out in the garage.

Which was today.

It was gorgeous outside all day.

Rare that around here for damn sure.

I moved the POS outside,  threw the saw horses up and laid my 2X12 temporary workbench on top, dug out the steel and started marking it so I could drill some holes.

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The entire time mentally rubbing my hands together in anticipation of finally getting to use the drill press enough to give it a good work out.

Of course five minutes after I started marking I got interrupted by the Wife’s niece who’s tail lights weren’t working.

Grumble grumble.

That took twenty minutes and I’ll spare you the dirty details. Needless to say one blown fuse fixed the radio that wasn’t working and taking an aftermarket LED bulb out, cleaning the connection and reinstalling it cured the fucker.

Back to my rat killing I go.

I get the first piece out, head over to the drill press and go to grab this Vise Grip style clamp that I bought at Harbor Freight a couple of months ago and quickly re-discovered that the bolt part wouldn’t go through the slots on the drill press table.

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Paying attention?

This is where it starts.

No biggie, right?

I’ll just throw it in the vise and grind two flats on it and reduce the diameter of the last 1/2 inch or abouts so it will slide through the slot and be able to rotate.

I went over and grabbed that heavy fucking vise stand to move it and immediately re-discovered another issue that I kept meaning to fix but it involved some welding.

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When I put the thing together several years ago, I stuck a long piece of All Thread all the way from underneath to the plate on top under the vise and tightened the shit out of it. Then I used the wire feed welder I had just bought to put some tack welds under the plate to stick it to the tube.

This is when I found out the circuit breaker couldn’t deal with the welder and the welds didn’t stick for shit. They have since broken loose and every time I grab the vise and go to move it the damn thing twists on the All Thread and is a pain in the ass.

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Hey wait a minute, I just got a new welder the other day!

I gotta try that thing out and I can finally fix this!

Remember what my original objective was still?

Drilling some holes?

Keep reading.

So I dig the little welder out, dig my fucking hood, gloves and chipping hammer out, plug it in, clean things up a bit, get all set up with a rod and go to strike an arc.

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Think Bic Lighter.

That was it. I turn around and look at the welder and the power light is off.

Oh you have GOT to be shitting me!

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Yep, bigger than shit, the Ground Fault Protector tripped.

I reset it and tried it again and got the same result.

MOTHER. FUCKER!

FUCK!!

The generator.

I moved the little engine hoist and a whole bunch of other shit and pulled the generator out. I noticed the little red light was on for the Float Charger I bought to keep the brand fucking new battery I bought charged up so that the generator would be ready to go if I needed it at a moments notice.

A real Fart Smeller, ain’t I?

Except I very quickly discover that the extension cord had gotten unplugged sometime since when I was moving the little engine hoist back and forth which is right next to it.

Dead, Battry as I like to say.

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So now I have to fuck around and get the battery charged back up so I can get the generator started, so I can use the welder, to fix the vise stand, so I can grind on the clamp, so I can hold down a piece of steel, so I can drill some fucking holes in it!!

This, my friends, is what happens to me every fucking time, I try do do ANYTHING!

Ya know what though?

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I win again.

Sonofabitch anyway.

Now I have to go put all that shit away and am basically right back where I started.

Four hours ago.

Welcome to my world.

 

Crap, I got so wound up there, I forgot the footnote for * The Temple of Tools riff.

I heard some guy on Youtube say that and I just rolled laughing so I ripped it off.

 

 

17 thoughts on “Every. Fucking. Time, Without. Fail.

  1. Ha! Your story reminds me of these old computer adventure games I used to play in the 80ies.
    If you forgot to pick up, move or hide something at the first steps of the game it surely came to bite you in your ass four hours into the gameplay…
    The magic word you were searching for to sum it all up?
    Frustration!

    Like

    • That’s why there isn’t any room out there anymore. According to the wife, every bit of it is junk and needs to be gotten rid of.
      Slowly but surely I am getting to where I want to be with it, so that I can fix just about anything I run across.
      Most of it is used for fixing the other tools and machinery at this point.

      Like

  2. Phil a buddy of mine runs his welders off his generator. Set you up a welding station. I have tons of cooking equipment and no one in the family will cook dinner let alone commercially.

    Like

    • As much as misery loves company, I find small solace knowing that I am not the only one with this affliction.
      It does however bring the creative juices to a rolling boil sometimes.

      Like

    • what is this “30 minute job” you speak of? At this point, I figure everything as a 2 hour job,minimum. Change oil, 2 hours. Drive some wood screws, 2 hours. Tighten up loose doorknob, 2 hours. of course, part of that is forgetting what I was doing in the first place, as I gather up tools.

      Like

  3. Could you install a circuit heavy enough to handle your welders that your rental company would approve of? Might ends years of frustration if ya live at that place long enough and even if an electrician had to do it, I am sure it wouldn’t be a whole lot of Zimbobians multizero pesos.

    Like

    • If the house has 240 coming in, you could get a single 30 Amp circuit for a welder or compressor installed for about $500.

      It aint all that cheap, but it’s done by a licensed, bonded contractor who pulled a permit, and got it inspected.

      Like

  4. even money that when you finally, FINALLY got it all to-gether and was half way thru the very last MFing hole, you had to stop and go let fly half a quart of piss.

    Like

  5. Word to the wise…you can’t run most D/C generated equipment offa GFCI circuit. Had you plugged it in the laundry room behind the washer, it might have been different. Them electrons are funny critters…

    Like

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