Bustin’ My Ass Yet Again

It never ends.

Whoever owns this property went completely Apeshit planting trees and shrubs around it.

That’s all fine and dandy if you also plan on maintaining the shit.

Since it’s a rental now and there is a Rental Management company supposedly in charge of all of this shit, the place has gotten overgrown to the point of absurdity.

I have gone round and round with the inspector trying to get shit trimmed up, the neighbor got fed up and called them three times about the damned apple trees dropping shit in their yard, finally wrote them a letter and a month later I actually talked to the guy, heard about all of this from him and told him to trim the shit  hanging over the fence as much as he wanted.

Fuck them people.

Of course two weeks later it’s time for the annual inspection and the shit hit the fan.

I told that guy about the neighbor, his un-returned phone calls, the unanswered letter and said I didn’t blame him a bit for trimming that shit.

That was a year ago.

My poor neighbor is one of those guys who’s yard is always immaculate.

Ours shits on his every time the wind blows because of all of the untrimmed trees and shrubbery.

The day before yesterday I came home from somewhere an there was a very unsubtle pile of leaves raked and swept up out of his yard and piled right on the property line on the sidewalk.

I might not be the most perceptive motherfucker around but I can take a hint.

So I have been out there bustin’ my ass, raking up wet leaves, trimming branches hanging over the sidewalk and basically doing what I can to mitigate the situation.

It’s not that I am unsympathetic to the situation, it’s just that having a perfect yard isn’t high on my priority list and I have other things to do besides raking a metric shit ton of leaves every time the damn wind blows.

So far, after about two and a half hours, I have COMPLETELY filled up the back of that El Camino with bags of leaves and trimmed branches and have only managed to get the one corner of the yard where most of these particular leaves are coming from and cut some of the branches hanging over the sidewalk.


Rental management company be damned.

I just stepped out the back slider to have a smoke and my jaw hit the concrete.

I swear to you, there are enough leaves back there on the ground right this minute to fill up a dump truck. No joke.

It’s like every tree, bush and shrub dumped their leaves last night, all at once.

It would take an entire landscaping crew all day to clean that shit up.

I’m one guy.

Old and busted up, tired as it is, take one guess what’s not going to happen back there any time soon. I raked enough that even with gloves on, I worked up a blister on my left hand on the side of my thumb right at the start of the web and then kept going until it popped, then kept going after that.

I told the wife a week or so ago that I was thinking about getting one of those cordless vacuum/mulcher gizmos to take care of this crap and immediately got an ear full and had that weed eater I bought a year ago thrown in my face, yet again.

I have some bad news for her.

Since I’m the motherfucker out there busting my ass, I’m gonna get whatever the fuck I want to make that shit easier.

I don’t give a fuck what it costs at this point and she can bitch until her lips turn blue.

A man has to do what a man has to do sometimes and fuck the consequences.

16 thoughts on “Bustin’ My Ass Yet Again

  1. Yep, fuck a bunch of yard work. I get all hot & heavy at first but half way through a 12 pack I change my mind. Can’t see it from where I laying anyway.


  2. Is the couch named after you? As in (Phil’s eternal Couch?” I could see you sleeping in it often… Iffn’ it would have been me a nice letter to the management company to abide by their part of the lease and clean shit up or thirty days I would cut, pull and yank out every goddamned tree and bush on the property. If I had to maintain their shit it would only be grass.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like the way you think, unfortunately, on top of over planting the place, the dumbass put down gravel EVERYWHERE. The entire back yard is gravel, no grass. That whole area I was cleaning out has gravel under it and rock circles around the big cherry tree.
      I wouldn’t be able to get that thing around about half of the place anyway because the shit is planted so close together and there are raised bed planters on the side and big rock circles around everything too.
      It’s a fucking mess dude.
      That’s why I’m thinking back pack style.


  3. Screw the vacuum get a decent sthil blower and clear it out. I smell a woman’s wants in how your yard is set up. They think, but its pretty, even when it is pain in the ass to maintain as they don’t have to do that. My wife wanted a flower bed dead center of the front yard with a sugar maple tree . No problem as soon as she agreed to do all yard work she could have it!!!!! Never happened 🙂


  4. Most of my land is woods and swamp. I only maintain lawn that can be reached with an electric mower on a 100 foot cord. The only other grass I maintain is by the beach and that can be done with a weed wacker. It’s bad enough that I have clear fallen trees with a chainsaw now and then.


  5. I feel your pain, Phil.

    The wife and I did that twice, and the third time she called somebody to come and do it.

    As of today, we’ve hauled 54 BIG bags of leaves and shit out of here.


      • I pissed off my neighbors who were giving me shit about the leaves and stuff in my yard. I took two 55gal barrels, cut some real narrow angled holes in the bottom side of one, put a grate in the bottom above the holes, cut the bottom off the other and an access hatch, stacked them.

        I could shoot a 40′ flame out of it just out of yard trash. All the mail and other paper crap would pulse a 50′ flame. The top barrel would get red hot and I’d keep hosing it down to keep it from melting.

        The HOA (which formed after I bought my house) had a snit fit. The fire department acknowledged that though what I was doing was ‘allowed,’ they’d be much happier if I toned it down a bit.

        Fire. Fire is mankind’s friend. Hur-hur-hur.

        After that summer, the HOA ‘allowed’ me to rake all my leaves into beds around the trees (they only wanted ‘certified mulch’ whatever the fuck that is.)


  6. Hire a company, get the work done, take the receipt and submit it with your rent less the cost and you will get the landlord attention to maintain the yard…


  7. When I had a yard to keep reasonably clean, I figured anything that could get under the mower got mulched. If I had to cruise over the pile a few times to ensure it was in little itsy bitsy pieces I was happy to do it. The other option is a bagging mower. Every time you mow you remove the clippings and any leaves or other detritus. Beats the tar out of raking every time.


  8. When I bought my house 11 years ago it had a lot of shrubbery, trees and other flower beds and such. All perfectly trimmed by a crew the bank which held the title brought in to make it attractive. It had a lot of charm. The next fall I took 20 bags of leaves off the tiny front lawn all from the neighbors trees. I had only a tiny little willow tree out front barely eight feet tall. The next year I bought a mulcher vac. The same amount of leaves became 5 yard bags of leaves and no blisters. I recommend them. Since then I have removed most of the shrubs and random flower beds. I don’t need the hassle. This year for the first time I hired someone to come in and take out most of the rest of the shrubs and to cut down most of the volunteer trees. Cost me a few hundred bucks. Money well spent.


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