Never A Dull Moment

Fuck, I just sat down and realized,

I’m fucking tired man.

I worked the ten hours last night, got home, kicked my boots off, put my feet up, grabbed the ol’ laptop to settle in and relax…..

and my fucking phone rang.

Son Of A Bitch.

Bigger than shit, there was some dire fucking emergency at work,  they lost all the cooling pumps on one of the machines while it was in high gear so to speak and my buddy couldn’t figure out how to get them going again.

Just so ya know, this kind of ranks right up there with a nuke plant losing its cooling water.

Maybe not quite that bad, but it’s, REALLY BAD.

So off I go back in, found the correct breaker that had tripped in under five minutes and then wound up having to stay until almost 5 fucking A.M. before it was decided the machine had to be stopped completely and the program run all over again.

I got home a little after 5.

Stayed mostly awake until 6 and finally passed out.

Pretty much 20 hours since I woke up.

Woke up  this morning at 10:30.

Of Course!

Took a healthy piss, drank some coffee smoked a couple of cigarettes and tried shaking the cobwebs out.

I was finally just starting to head out to the garage, when the phone rang again.

I didn’t even want to look at that motherfucker but it turned out to be a friend of my Dads who I have literally known all my life.

He was over in Portland at the VA hospital having some tests done and he and his wife were camped out in their cab over camper in the oversize parking lot.

I hadn’t seen them in a long time so of course I get in the Bronco and brave Portland Fucking Traffic to go visit with them.

We had a nice long visit and I noticed it was going past 3:00 and told them I had to hit the road because it’s a Friday and traffic is going to be a nightmare.

It didn’t disappoint me.

Over an hour and fifteen minutes to go across town,

Bumper to fucking bumper fucking traffic with the usual assholes trying to cut in and get that one extra car length in front of the dumb bastard that left enough room for him to stick his nose in and bluff his way into that lane.

You know what I’m talking about.  About four miles from the I-5 bridge, I took this picture because I was gonna bitch about me having to go over there and put up with that shit anyway.


As you can see, I try not to get too damn close to the car in front of me as a rule.

Turns out that is a good thing.

Literally minutes after I took this picture traffic started moving a little and then it was all on the brakes again.

I hit the brakes and the pedal went to the fucking floor.

I had already had to piss for a while, I damn near wet myself when that happened.

I managed to get the fucking thing stopped before I completely and permanently wrinkled the entire ass end of that rolling telephone booth in front of me but then I realized that I was fucked. I’m in the middle god damn lane with nowhere to go if I need to in a hurry.

I hit the pedal again and it worked fine.


I hit it again and it worked that time too.

OK, I ain’t trusting that shit because I wasn’t fucking dreaming, that brake pedal did go right to the floor. I’ve been to Granny’s house before and I know when a Master Cylinder is letting you know it is about to shit the bed in a big way.

So I just idled along behind this guy  and pretty soon everything came to a stop and it did it again.

Fuck me.

Long story short, I somehow managed to get home in the fucker without creaming anyone but it was a white knuckle ride.

The whole time I am having to piss like a ruptured goat no less.

I just got back from the parts house, $52 and change for a brand new Master Cylinder, with the plastic fucking reservoir, a bottle of brake fluid and a spray can of Brake Kleen.

They wanted $39 for a rebuilt, without a reservoir plus a $9 core charge but it wasn’t in stock. Of course they could order one in and it would be here tomorow though.

Makes me wonder jut how many stupid people decide that going that route is the smart move…..

Must be enough that they keep that option.

Fuck that, gimme the new one, thank you very much. It’s actually cheaper at $43 anyway.

So you get one guess at what I get to do now and just for triple bonus FUN TIME points, it’s supposed to start raining tonight.

BTW, I already know the rear shoes need replacing and the front pads are skinny too.

One crisis at a time people.

Did I mention this motherfucker has Anti- Lock Brakes in the back?

Let the good times roll.



8 thoughts on “Never A Dull Moment

  1. Dang, some days you can’t catch a break -or have brakes. Nothing worse than that sinking feeling as the pedal hits the floor. This spring I got home thinking that I was starting to hate driving. Turns out I was just sick of driving in heavy traffic. Started to enjoy driving out here in the middle of nowhere again.


  2. Phil, I am so glad I don’t do Portland, Oregon traffic anymore. Our worse jam is combines going down the road with their head on… makes for some exciting 4 wheeling off the shoulder sometimes… try driving Portland and Seattle traffic with a Liquid O2 Tanker when I use to drive for Airgas. Now that was some fun times I can tell ya.


  3. The first master cylinder I rebuilt was on Future Ex-Wife’s Valiant. (“Valiant” and “rebuild master cylinder” should tell you how long ago that was). Slam on the brakes, worked fine; ease down as you would in traffic and it would sink to the floor.

    Tore it apart, and sure as shit, there was a crack in the cup, right where it folded over. If I knew then what I know now, I would have sent her on a beer run first.


  4. Intermittent operation of a basic mechanical system seems odd until you mentioned antilock…..are you sure it’s not that part of the system?


  5. Pingback: We Shall See | The Vulgar Curmudgeon

  6. I can’t tell you how many times we rebuilt brake cylinders and master cylinders as a kid. Dad would come home with a couple kits and we’d spend hours trying to put everything together right. Being 10 years old sucked… majorly. When I grew up, I found that master cylinders and brake cylinders could be had for 2 bucks more than the kit. Son of a……

    Dad taught me a lot. I ain’t afraid of tackling much that needs doing. And… good tools are NECESSARY… because we never had any. And kits??? No way, not ever unless that’s the only option.

    I hope it isn’t antilock brake issues. And the MC solves it.


Pansies, Trolls and Liberals are urged to flee this place.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s