More Fun And Games

I must instinctively know Winter is coming or something.

Instead of gathering nuts and getting fat for it, I have been working my homesick ass off trying to get some shit done before it starts raining.

After we paid my Nephew to rake and bag up all those rotten fucking apples a couple weeks ago there was still a 55 gallon drum of the fucking things sitting outside that needed to go to the dump.

Moving that thing kicked my fucking ass earlier today.

I weigh about 165 lbs. Skinny, there ain’t no other word for it. I wrestle barels of oil at work occasionally and those bastards are fucking heavy.

About 275-300 pounds.

It’s about all I can do to tip one up and get a barrel dolly under them.

This barrel of apples was way more than that and was up against a raised bed planter in the gravel to boot just for fun.

I bet I fucked with that thing for twenty minutes just to get it moved ten feet though a gate so I could reach it with my little hoist from the driveway.

It was all I could do after repeated attempts to tip it to just get a 2X4 under it so I could wedge my hand cart under it. Then I couldn’t get it tipped back to roll it. I basically wound up pushing it on the hand cart backwards through the gate like a sled over the gravel.

Then I fucked with trying to get it picked up with a sling but the driveway is sloped so the damn thing kept wanting to roll sideways down the driveway.

I finally got pissed off and pulled the Caballero down into the street with just the tailgate hanging over the sidewalk so I could pick it and swing it at the same time.

Did I mention the fucker was heavy?

You think I am kidding?


When I set it down in the back of the rig it trapped the hoist under the bumper.

I had to go get the floor jack and jack the ass end up so I could get the hoist out from under it.

Dumping it out was a lot easier, I got behind it and heaved until it tipped over off the tailgate.

Fucking thing. I recycled the barrel and all.

After I got home from that I had to take it easy for a while.

After a little nap I decided to tackle another little issue that has been annoying me.


The windshield washer has never worked in the Bronco either, until today.

Of course that was the usual clusterfuck just like every other motherfucking thing I touch.

The little pump was bad. I have had a new one in the console for at least six weeks now. Fifteen minute job. Pull the plastic reservoir, dig the little one way sprag washer out, pull the little pump, put the new one in, push the new retaining washer on, bolt the fucker back down, fill it up and away ya go, right?


Oh fuck no.

Just like everything else on this rig, some dumb fucking White Trash asshole nigger rigged the hoses going to the nozzle. There were two small hoses sticking out of the cowl right next to where the wiper arms stick out, not attached to anything at the windshield side.

Spray and Pray defined.

Except the pump shit the bed too.

I have no idea why Bubba The Genius did that, the bigger hose had been cut off and a plastic Hose barb with a T in it had been installed to do that shit and there was nothing wrong with the existing central nozzle.

There is supposed to be ONE 5/16’s hose going to the single spray nozzle right above the wiper motor As soon as I hit the button while I was standing next to the door sticking my arm through the window to test it I got douched by one of the little hoses on the drivers side.


I had to pull and  yank that shit out, dig around in my crap for a chunk of hose, get the nozzle loose and then snake the new hose up and behind the wiper motor so I could stab the nozzle down in it through the hole in the cowl. You can’t hardly see the hose barb on the nozzle because of where it is without a mirror and a flashlight..

That shit took another hour but it is one more thing off the list.

Basically, DUMBASS worked three times as hard to pull his voodoo magic bullshit half assed fix than he would have to do what I did and fix it right.

Isn’t modern technology wonderful though?


Now I don’t have to be constantly on the look out for gas stations that have squeegee’s at the pumps because that is surprisingly not that common anymore.


3 thoughts on “More Fun And Games

  1. You know that if you’d have left that apple barrel where it was for another 6-8 mfonths, you’d be able to have hard cider…right?
    Unless your barrel was hygienically questionable.


  2. I did the driver door hinges on a 99 Yukon Saturday. My gosh man. Who designed that? Yesterday morning just after waking up, I had an inspiration on how to the get the bottom bushing in. Crap…. 20 hours late. My hands still hurt…


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