Just One Fucking Time, Please?

Is it too much to ask?

Just one time I would like to be able to do a repair on a vehicle that doesn’t turn into a complete clusterfuck.

I just changed the frame rail fuel pump on the Bronco.

Note, frame rail location, right?

It’s right under the drivers door inside the frame.

Right?

IMG_20180819_171346

Notice anything?

Like the front driveline RIGHT IN THE FUCKING WAY?

Oh, it gets better.

IMG_20180819_171407

See that coil wrapped brakeline right in front of the two bottom mounting bolts?

Yeah, that was fun too.

That picture was taken after I pried the fucker loose so I could bend it out of the way.

Now for some more fun

Notice you can’t even SEE the top mounting bolt, this is after I got the whole thing put back together and noticed that the ground wire had pulled out of the cheap ring connector from whoever did this the last time and I had to get up in there and crimp a new one on.

IMG_20180819_172237 (1)

The cover around it has to be pried open to get the actual pump out and that spreads it apart so then that means there is a whole bunch of prying and cussing involved to get the bolt holes lined back up, the whole time you are fighting that brake line to keep it out of the way.

It took well over an hour to get it swapped out when it could have been a fifteen minute job if they had just moved the fucker six inches forward on the frame.

 

So while I am laying on the concrete under the fucker I looked over and saw some connector taped to the UNDERSIDE of the transmission cross member.

Who does that kind of shit on a four wheel drive?

IMG_20180819_172341

IMG_20180819_172427

 

The plastic clips are long gone so for the moment I wrapped it up and taped it back on the TOP SIDE of the fucking cross member to keep it from getting snagged on anything.

 

After I finally got everything back together I cycled the key about ten times to prime the fuel system and…. nothing.

It cranked and cranked but wouldn’t start.

It wasn’t leaking so I cycled the key another ten times with the same results.

I finally got in the fucker and held the gas pedal to the floor and it cranked a couple of times and fired up.

 

I got out and looked under it to check for leaks and heard something I really didn’t want to hear.

Ever since I got the thing the red STOP ENGINE light comes on  and the oil pressure gauges drops to zero after the thing gets hot and goes to idle when coming to a stop. If I rev it just a tiny bit the oil pressure comes back up and it’s fine.

What I heard when I was under it sounded very much like a very soft main bearing knock.

I am hereby officially going full  Sgt. Schultz.

Shultzy

 

I can’t afford to put an engine in this fucker so I am going to baby the shit out of it, luckily the Caballero  is legal again and still runs great so it ain’t like I ain’t gonna have any wheels if it shits the bed.

If it ain’t one thing it’s another.

Situation Normal, All Fucked Up.

 

 

14 thoughts on “Just One Fucking Time, Please?

  1. That little bit of engineering fuckery should have earned a death sentence.
    I ran into that once on a neighbors car that he had just bought. I spent a half an hour climbing all over and underneath that fucker looking for the starter that went out.
    It took him four hours to do the job and he was no slouch with a wrench.
    Some late 80’s/early 90’s Buick or Oldsmobile as I recall.
    I have also ran into automatic transmissions that have no way to check the fluid level.
    These fucking people should be drug behind the car.

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  2. I don’t know about you, but I know the sound of an engineer giggling quietly. I even know the sound of them laughing hysterically because they know they won’t ever have to deal with that shit in the real world.

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    • My thought was heavier oil, too. I run 10W50 in my older stuff. 86 Sub, 91 Sub. 65 Ford…. Or straight 40W if I can find it. It’s so blamed hot down here at Christmas, this stuff never needs to thin out….

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  3. Both the fuel filter and starter on my Supra are located under the runners (“Lower Intake Manifold”) from the air plenum (“Upper Intake Manifold”) to the intake ports on the head.

    Since I have to pull all that stuff off to replace the fuel injectors and the “Suicide Hose” (if the hose blows, your engine commits suicide) I’m planning on replacing them both.

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  4. That’s the sort of thing that caused me to retire the ford van. Sure, I could fix all the little things that gone wrong, but I could never trust it not to screw up again 2000 miles from home. Enough is enough. Time to move on.

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  5. I don’t know how mechanics train to gather the patience to deal with this stuff, especially with the newer cars. MY .66 VW Bug was butt simple, open the hatch and practically EVERYTHING was in your face, waiting for work. My ’75 Dodge Adveturer pickup had a simple 318 V8 and an acre of room to work with under the hood. Fuse box – open the glove compartment and the covered panel was right there (no astronaut flipping over the driver’s seat).

    Y’all deserve a medal man. Or a free ‘kick the engineer in the nutz’ pass for having to deal with car fuckery.

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    • After years of working on aircraft and industrial machinery with the legacy of previous mechanics creativity, i discovered the pleasure of releasing tension at the gun range. usually take pictures of the weeks most despised item or person and tack them to the target. always a relief to burn some ammo get that out of my system.
      some people don’t like it when the technician is cursing while wrenching. they have never worked on the equipment and always criticize the hapless tech while they are juggling boa constrictors while their hair is on fire. if they only knew how often their photo was displayed on the range….

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  6. Ford engineers are the worst- especially when they started doing pollution control. I had an exhaust pipe burn out at a bend just forward of the fuel tank so the hot fumes went directly on it.-gas boils pretty easily. Damn good thing there was no spark. Don’t buy fords ever.

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  7. LucasOil, keeps an old motor lubed up good for another several thousand miles. But, like ya said, ya gotta baby ’em around, no doggin’ it, and no Hiway speeds if ya can help it…good luck with ‘er!

    Like

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