Just A Short Message To You Lazy Cocksuckers Out There Who Don’t Know How To Park

You know who you are.



Complete fucking assholes like this,



My message to fuckheads like you is simple.

I’m this guy,


Except I won’t leave you that much room.

Another way you will know that you are a fucking cunt will be the lack of a cutesy little written note on your windshield.

Instead, you will find one of these,



Slowly sliding it’s way down the front of your windshield, leaving a nice little trail of slime for you to clean off.

Go ahead and hit your wipers, please.



Trust me, when I work up a serious lugey, I can hack that fucker a good ten feet with enough precision to hit your window right at the top so as to give it lots of room to slide.


It you really piss me off, I will slam my door open on ya too.

I don’t give a flying fuck if it chips the paint on my beater.

Believe it.


So to the fat, lazy old cunt who just trapped me into the parking spot I was in at Home Depot a few minutes ago, I hope you had some Kleenex in your purse.


I saw ya waddling back and get in your brand new Lexus as I was pulling away after having to get in my rig from the passenger side.

I left you a little something for you to remember me by too.



17 thoughts on “Just A Short Message To You Lazy Cocksuckers Out There Who Don’t Know How To Park

  1. Tell us how you really feel…

    A coons age ago I had these photocopied slips of a illustration of a smiling mickey mouse holding a sign that read:

    Thank you for parking so close.
    Next time, could you please leave a
    fucking can opener so I can get in my car?
    Assholes like you should take the bus.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. ha! it is rather annoying to have to deal with asshole drivers out there. I deal with asshole neighbors who have no courtesy but to park right in front of my house … I realize it is street parking but never has it gotten so bad as it has been in the last few months. No common courtesy in this neighborhood any more. :((


  3. I ride a motorcycle. When some jerk takes two parking spots I will park next to them in such a way they cannot open their door, It is amazing that a high end sports car fiend is scared shitless of a Harley rider.


  4. I have a Leatherman multi-tool in my car that — after making sure the coast is clear — I use to scrape a nice long horizontal scratch in their door. A couple times I’ve left a note along with it telling them why their car is now damaged.


  5. My first car was a Datsun 1600 roadster. Fun little beast. Ugly as sin. She had dents in all 4 corners and all 4 sides. Some guy parked his fancy Porch in the parking lot. I backed her in close enough that there was not even room to fart between the two cars. As the top was down, I walked out over the hood of my little Bugster. His Porch wasn’t there when I got off work. Bet he had a fit when he saw my little car parked by his fancy shmancy machine.
    I can be a brat at times.


  6. And my friends laugh at me when I take three tries to back into a parking slot with my Vette.

    I make damn sure I’m centered in that slot!

    People hate Corvettes with a passion, and that dolt in the white one is why.


  7. It’s self important people who park like the world revolves around their precious asses that that more and more makes me think: Gee, these are the people I’d love to give a present. Like a toaster for their bathtub.


  8. Pingback: Sunday Thank You! – The Daley Gator

  9. Regarding the pic of the Toyota on the line. It could be that the car was parked before the snow melted when the yellow lines weren’t visible, snow always melts off the pavement before the grass. You should see the parking lot at work when it has snowed overnight and 250 cars arrive. The first one in guesstimates where the lines are and everyone after spaces their car off of that first car.


  10. That’s great parking on the SUV owner. And it’s a Jeep, no doubt. Love ’em. Owned 4 over the past almost 20 years and yep, they got all their own quirks for sure, but dang if they didn’t get me everywhere I needed to go and then some.


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