Turn The Knob, Stupid

I think maybe this Geezer shit is really starting to kick my ass sometimes.

I was lamenting the fact that this damn Bronco didn’t have intermittent wipers on it the other day, the one modern amenity that I have really liked over the years.
When you live here in the Pacific Northwest it rains a lot in case you haven’t heard.
It doesn’t just rain though.
A lot of the time it is this irritating light rain/mist thing.
When you are driving it’s not enough water to make running the wipers constantly useful.
The wiper blades work great on that first swipe and then there isn’t enough rain after that to keep them wet so the blades will shudder and make all kinds of fucking noise.
It doesn’t take long before you say Fuck It and just start reaching down to turn them on and off every few seconds.
That gets irritating and distracting so intermittent wipers were a God Send when they came out.
My El Camino has them and I will admit I got very spoiled using them.

So when I got this Bronco, the wipers aren’t even on the stalk like most newer (ahem) cars and trucks, it’s just got a Plain Jane knob with no markings on it on the dash next to the headlight switch.
There is a little indicator that lights up just above it and all it says is Wiper/Washer.
So as I’m coming home from work tonight, that mist thing is going on and every once in a while it would actually rain for just a second or two.
I had shit on my mind, mentally going over the shit at work as usual and I reached down to turn the fucking wipers on without really looking.
I got down the road about a mile and a half when it dawned on me that the wipers were acting funky.
So I reached down and gave the knob a twist to the left and they swept one time and stopped, then lo and behold they swept again and stopped but it took a while and I was just getting ready to reach down and fuck with the knob again because I couldn’t see.
Holy crap I’m thinking something is fucked up with the wipers now. Great.
So I did reach down and turn them off and then turned the knob to the right.
Here they go, back and forth, back and forth, like they have done every single time I have turned them on since I got the rig.
I turned them off and turned the knob to the left.
VOILA! Intermittent wipers!
There are no markings saying that it has intermittent wipers so I just got lucky by turning it to the left the first time when I wasn’t really paying attention.
I can’t tell you how happy that makes me because I was seriously considering taking a whole wiper system, wiring, switch, motor and all from a later model and swapping it in.
Now I don’t have to.
Thank you Jesus!
One less thing to mess with.

Sometimes it’s the little things, ya know?
Now if I could just keep track of the keys to the damn thing…..

13 thoughts on “Turn The Knob, Stupid

  1. Just to do it right, you should find an owners manual for that beast on Ebay, and then throw it away without reading it.
    That’s what I’d do.


  2. Related, I put an aftermarket on my pickup. Turned them on in more snow than I should have. No more wiper movement. 2 trips to the junk yard for a new main switch. Counterman wisely asked if I had added an intermittent?
    It had burnt the wiring of that, main switch was fine.
    To my credit, it was back in my formative years as a teen without a volt meter, before one asks “Why didn’t you check it before pulling the wrong thing.”


  3. keys once husband locked keys in car with engine on. we lived close and he called me from a pay phone–remember those?–and i ran downtown with keys.
    that day i went and had two sets made for each person. now always two sets are carried.
    that way you always have a set on you.


  4. I guess it’s too much to hope for that the owner’s manual is still in the glove box. Maybe things like this are common knowledge to Ford owners, or are revealed at the Seekrit Owners Meetings.

    For me, having my keys on a monkey fist with a 6-inch tether works best. “Honest officer, it’s not a flail; it’s a key fob!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have more damn keys than Carter has little liver pills as it is anyways.
      Then I carry three different kinds of blades in my other pocket and a tiny little 4 inch crescent wrench that I have found is handier than shit, all for work.
      Then there’s the wallet on one side in the back and a little notebook on the other side. On top of that, I have to carry a set of work keys on one of those retractable key chains that looks like a little tape measure. Because I have no ass, all that weight keeps trying to yank my britches down around my ankles all damn day.
      I sound like a fucking Christmas sleigh when I walk with all that shit jingling around.


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