Let The Fun Begin!

Well, I got it finally.

$2000.00 Cash, I have the title and it is sitting out in the driveway issuing barely audible challenges for me to come and get some.

I have already identified at least one issue even though it’s fucking dark and raining too.
The guy said that it would start cold but when it warmed up it didn’t want to crank over.

The Wifely Unit is off to her folks again so when he called me to let me know he had the title in his hand I asked him if he would follow me back over here with it and I would take him back home. It’s only ten minutes away so he said that was fine.

So I drove over there, swapped him a handful of hundred dollar bills for a piece of paper and two keys. He fired it up, turned the lights and the wipers on and followed me right over.
We got here, I had him nose it in the driveway, checked the brake, turn and running lights in the back real quick and then took him home.

When I got back, I went to see if it would crank over and fuck no it won’t. It sounded like the battery was real low and I already knew the charging system gauge wasn’t working.
So I dug out my trusty little POS Harbor Freight Freebie digital voltmeter, hooked it up to the battery and took a look.

12.39 volts just sitting there and it looks like a brand new battery.
I took the ignition switch hot wire off the starter solenoid right next to the battery and jumped the terminal to the battery hot cable and it tried to crank, briefly.
The voltage went from 12.3 to 11.2 to 8.4 and then to 6 something.

Dead battry as I like to say.

So I dug out my little trickle charger and hooked that up so it could do it’s thing while I started poking around.
I had to get my little step ladder out to crawl up on the core support before I could see anything and then get my little pocket flashlight out.
It has a brand new alternator on it so I started and finished right fucking there in less than a minute.
Someone has cut the main wiring plug off the fucker and put chintzy fucking spade terminal connectors on it where it hooks into the voltage regulator terminals.

They also didn’t leave any slack so one of the wires keeps pulling off the terminal.
I yanked some slack and cut back some electrical tape so I could at least get it to stay on while it is sitting in the driveway but I have to wait for the battery to charge back up before I can start it and test it again.
I don’t feel like digging through a bunch of shit out in that garage right now to get my big booster battery charger out and I am not in that big of a hurry at the moment.

There is a at least one trip to the U Pull It yard for that connector right off the Get Go.
I swear the thing has a vacuum leak somewhere too and that is what is causing the high idle problem, that will be next on the list.
If I can get it to start and charge the battery though I will at least be able to drive it.

I see a lot of shit that is going to need to be addressed over time but some of it is pretty basic stuff to me. Whoever has been working on this fucker had a degree in Back Yard Mechanics, the clamp on the wire style battery terminal connectors is a dead give away. Lo and behold, here is a picture of the fuckers that matches exactly,


I have used these motherfuckers before in my youth and have learned to hate those sonsabitches with a passion.
That will be issue #2 on my list of Do Right Now things.

But, the rig is in my driveway for me to fiddle fuck with at my leisure and anyone that knows me well will tell you that I love to piddle fart around with stupid shit like this anyways so I should be quite happy that I have yet another vehicle to fuck with and cuss at and I can already see that there will be plenty of cussing.

I guarantee it.


After letting sit and charge for an hour and a half I went back out there and it fired right up.
I checked the battery voltage again with it running and that fucking wire hooked up and got a beautiful 14.7 volts out of it.
The volt meter on the dash is tits up it looks like so that will be the source of some grief but in the mean time it won’t take shit to hook up an aftermarket gauge under the dash for the time being.
Now I gotta get that connector for the alternator and some decent battery cables.

Soon my little pretties, soon.

16 thoughts on “Let The Fun Begin!

  1. So, if the El Cheapo clamp-ons are trash (I don’t disagree), what do you keep on hand for emergency, or just quick, replacement battery cable connectors ?


    • I don’t know off hand if I still have any of those lying around or not. That is the only reason to have them in my opinion and I did used to have some.
      I know I have the marine style with a stud and a wing nut. I think I need to get a couple of eye ends and put them both in the rig.
      With the eye end, you can use a hammer to smash them onto the cable.
      Then you use the marine style.


        • Another nice thing about the eye end is that once it is crimped, you can solder it as well, then finish it with some shrink wrap (which you slid on the cable BEFORE you crimped the eye).


          • I keep one of the cheapies in the “Oh, Crap” kit in the truck, just in case, I’ve thought about soldering eyes on the cables and going with marine hardware to make sure I never have to use it.


  2. Ahh, so we’re gonna have to hear you whine about this for how long?
    But Seriously. I have a ’90 Volkswagon Vanagon Westfalia I want to sell. It’s in very good condition. It’s been sitting in my garage doing nothing for three years. I bought it from a woman in Portland who had it since it was new, and I have a pile of service records, etc, and the original service manual. The original motor in it runs pretty well. Fiamma Awning, and roof racks.


    • Park that fucking Volkswagon out next to Highway 101 with a For Sale sign on it and wait for some stupid Hippy bitch to drive by.
      It shouldn’t take too long.
      As for the whining?
      I haven’t even had the thing 8 full hours yet!
      I’m just getting started!


  3. Excellent. Was going to ask you today if you had picked it up, if you hadn’t posted an update. Seems to me your whinihg about the new rig could also be viewed as creative criticism, but maybe that’s just me.


  4. Are you sure the original voltmeter is tango uniform? From the way you’re talking and looking at the diagram above, it looks like you just may have a case of the LGR wire not connected to the right place.


    • I haven’t got that far yet but I’m willing to bet that once I fix this issue and then start tracing the wire back that I will find more fuckery and that there is probably nothing wrong with the gauge.


  5. So had a bronco too, never had that problem…. But my old Chevy use to do the same thing, turned over real slow when warm. The issue was headers. One day and in a big hurry I turned that bitch over till I got smoke from the dash! Fried the big wires to the ignition switch. Fixed that, replaced starters a few times. Finally some 80 year old man said yous starter gets hot, metal expands son. The starter was binding. He made me an asbestos shield on a piece of sheet metal that covered about half the starter. Never had that problem again. Not saying that’s your problem but you might consider it if you to get headers. Good luck.


    • I have run into that myself before and it absolutely crossed my mind but this thing has the stock exhaust and a new starter.
      I’m pretty sure the problem is the alternator wiring plug. The guy I got it from only drove it twice, he got it from his Mom and it had a brand new battery in it.
      I think it was running on the battery only.
      I’ll be finding out here real shortly. Thanks for the advice though,and you have obviously had the same kind of luck I have before.
      Replacing burned up wiring harnesses really sucks.


    • Common problem with SBCs with headers, especially when you’ve got a big truck starter. So common in fact that Moroso (among others) made heat shields. GM also made a solenoid heat shield for them.


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